Eyes Wide Open

3.

"What are your intentions for joining Dauntless?"

I stifled a groan and winced from the bright light of the sun that shinned in from the car window. Outside the bullet proof window, which I had claimed to be to over the top, was the sad, bland streets of the city. It was about noon, or as Maddie likes to say "the time when the clouds clear and the children run", which was something her mother used to say to her. 

Unfortunately, there were no children running today. They were all on their way to the Choosing Ceremony to watch their siblings and faction members decide where they belong. Some of those children are deciding today. I'm deciding today.

"June? June, dear? June!"

Oh, right. They've chosen for me.

I felt awfully guilty to be complaining, I should be honored to do this for my faction, my people. That's exactly what I'd be telling the poor kid who would've be chosen if I hadn't. But I didn't feel honored, or proud, or even gratified to be doing this. You'd think if I kept listing synonyms that'd I'd find one that represents what I'm feeling, but I haven't. I don't truly want to do what I'm being told for once, and that frightens me dreadfully. There's a high chance that I'll fail like Eric if I keep this up. Is this how he felt, the day he left?

"Answer me right this instance!" Penny screamed with spit spurting from her lips. I jumped slightly in my seat, and my bum landed with a harsh 'thump" against the leather covered cushion.

"I, uh-I, what?" I stuttered out, still on edge after being awakened from my deep thoughts. I had panicked for an instant that they had listened to my thoughts and deemed me unloyal.
"What are your intentions for joining Dauntless?" The wide hipped brunette said, this time with a tinge of irritation. 

"When I was 7 my sister had been butchered by a factionless man over a can of soup she was bringing him. The man didn't want to feel indebted to her, so he slit her throat and left her to die. I joined Dauntless to prohibit these cases to happen again." I voiced like I had when Jeanie forced my to rehearse that line 24 times, exactly.

"Nice, but try saying it more like a grieving sister with vengeance in her heart, and less like a soldier stating orders," Penny stated, like that wasn't exactly what I was doing. "Why was she brining the man food? Aren't Erudites heartless and cold?" She had continued with a new question.

I glared at her fiercely, challenging her with my eyes to repeat that statement. The woman crossed her arms, and lifted her chin. "I'm only making sure that you know exactly what to say if somebody asks you that very question." Penny had ended her sentence with a light 'tch' and the snobby way of pushing up her thin lined glasses.

You see, Penny was Jeannie's second hand man, or so she thought. The woman was nearly Jeanie's replacement when the blonde leader didn't want to bother with something herself. Either way, the chubbier woman resembled Jeanie's personality to a 'T', only with a little snobby spunk added in. 

The woman cleared her throat loudly, luring me away from my thoughts once again. "Why was she helping the man?" Penny repeated as we passed a filled Abnegation bus on it's way to the same place as we.

"My sister had a kind heart, if she lived to 16 I bet she's join the stiffs herself." I answered in a cold, yet bored tone. "Now are we done here? The building is only half a mile away." I shhed her quiet.

If you could see me right now, I would come of as the arrogant Erudite I'm supposed to be. I was sitting next to my mother, dressed in a dark navy blue with my chin raised high. If I could read anybodies mind right now, they would think I would stay in my faction. If I had the choice to, I would.

The Choosing Ceremony had always sent a bitterness straight to the bottom of my stomach in the last few years, ever since Eric had left. This year it was different though, this year I felt a whirlwind of emotions swirling inside of me. Doubt, fear, guilt. I would be leaving behind my mother just as Eric had done before me. I was walking in his footsteps, which was the last thing I wanted to do.

By the time my thoughts had settled enough for me to pay attention, Marcus Eaton had already finished his introduction speech. Which I call a load of crap. What does a filthy stiff know about anything? They have the intelligence of a half dead faction-less man, maybe even less.

I squeezed my mother's hand in a tight grip, she didn't know what was happening. She didn't have a single clue that her daughter was leaving her. My heart swung low at the mere thought of leaving her all alone. Maddie didn't know exactly what was going to happen either, but I told her half drunk the night before that I needed her to look after my mother. I was trusting her to do as I asked, praying she would.

When the first 'C' name was called my head had nearly snapped off my shoulders. Daniel Carter had stumbled up to the stage. His eyes did not shine with kindness and there wasn't a smile apparent on his face. Daniel Carter didn't look like Daniel Carter one bit. I knew exactly why when he stalked his way up to the pure white bowls. The males eyes flicked back between Abjection and his girlfriend, Sarah. He was really willing to give up the best part of him to stay with that girl. I could never imagine doing that.

What I think doesn't decide anything though. The kind boy, who anyone could tell wanted to devote himself to helping people had his blood drip onto the clear water, that was now faintly a shade of red from Sarah's hand herself. The girl who had Daniels heart had smiled smugly at the girl sitting next to her as he sat down next to her in the row of blue.

After Daniel had came a few other teens, none transferring. I had waited impatiently, my leg bouncing from the anxiousness I was feeling. Finally, my name was called.

"June Coulter!" shouted Marcus. I tried to keep up my facade of a person who knew what the were doing, which I obviously was not. I stalked up the stair with a 'click' from my shoes and a harsh glare directed towards the ####### of a man Marcus. Working under Jeanie had let me preview every article she wrote, including all of the drafts about the pathetic man, Marcus Eaton.

I gulped lightly when the sharp dagger was placed into my hand. My skin shuttered against the cold blade as I made a quick slice into my palm. Blood spill off my soft skin as I approached the bowls.

Stones, Water, Dirt, Glass, Coals.

Stones, Water, Dirt, Glass, Coals.

Stones, Water, Dirt, Glass, Coals.

Water.

Coals.

Water.

Coals.

Water.

Coals.