Can't Fight The Feeling

Chapter 1

I wake up feeling numb again. I grab my phone and check the time; it's only 5:26 in the morning. I haven't had enough good sleep in awhile; six months to be exact. I cover my face with a pillow and I can feel the tears coming out of me. No, Dakota not again.

Flashback 6 months ago
"Oh my fucking God, Jamie! It was just a scratch!" I shout at him. Waiting for his response, he looks and points at Zeppelin.

"He needs to go." I stare right at him and I begin to close my eyes in frustration.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now? Dulcie's okay now. Did you even see a fucking blood come right out of her body?" I point at Dulcie's arm where Zeppelin accidentally scratched.

"I don't give a fuck if blood came out of her, she was hurt." He runs his hands through his hair in frustration.

"I'm done, I'm out." I raise my hands and give up. I grab my hand bag and Zeppelin's leash, eager to just leave this mess.

"What the fuck are you talking about? So you're just gonna leave? Is that it?" I hear Jamie complain while I get the things that I need. He tries to hold my arm but I stop him,

"No! You don't get to blame me for this again!" I try to hold back my tears but I just couldn't.

"I saw your text to Millie. You think she acts like a better mother than me, huh?" I let out a dry chuckle.

"You know that's not true." He steps forward and I take a step backward.

Tears still running through my face, "I mean if that's what you think, then maybe you should go back to her. I really don't want to be a burden to you and your daughter." I stare at Dulcie who's taking a nap at our bedroom.

His eyes start to widen, "Dakota stop this. Now." He stares right through me.

"You know, I always find myself so scared to come home to you now. Scared to spend the day with you, because we might end up fighting again."

I try to wipe my tears, "I'm so scared that one day, you might hurt me. And you won't have the urge to control yourself. I feel numb every fucking day. I can't feel butterflies in my stomach whenever I see you anymore. Fear is running through my veins everytime I see you." I cover my face, tears continuing to flow not being able to speak properly and barely allowing a breath to be drawn.

"Baby, come on please don't say that. Don't leave me." He pulls me to his chest, running his hands through my hair and I try to escape from his touch.

"Stop! Don't touch me!" I try my very best to speak straight but I just can't. "I need a break, just let me be. Please don't bother to follow or stop me. I will scream bloody hell if you do."

I retrieve the things that I need to bring. Jamie looks like a statue, not moving at all. I plant a kiss on Dulcie's cheek without disturbing her sleep, "Goodbye, baby girl."

I walk in a fast pace aiming at the door, then Jamie did something I will never ever forgive. He pushes me on the wall with full force and smacks his lips right through mine. Both his hands are between my head, not letting me move.

"Jamie! Stop!" I try my best to stop him and push him away from me.

"This is what you want, right?" He said with full dignity, and not once did I hurt Jamie but this time he has given me no choice. I slap him as hard as I can, tears uncontrollably coming out of me once again.

"Why?" I whisper, covering my face trying to catch a breath. I don't have the power to get right back at him. I close my eyes for a few minutes and try to stop myself from crying. When I wipe my tears, I catch a glimpse of him. His eyes were turning red, trying to fight his tears staring right through my soul. Whenever we fight, I know that in my heart we'll get through it. But this time, I don't think so.

I grab my hand bag and Zep's leash from the floor and run as fast as I can to the door. As I am about to close the door, I catch him sitting on the couch, hands covering his face, sobbing uncontrollably. I fight the urge to run and just hug him tight knowing that it will all be alright. I close my eyes and close the door.

It hurts me so much, but we both need a break. A break from us.

To be continued.