I sit at the far end of the long long table. My family and thier friends sit at the other end. Talking and laughing, enjoying themselves. They don't notice me as I sit in the corner. I stay quiet, to myself. Sad, depressed no smiles. It's my uncle's surprise birthday party and yet I'm still sad. They don't understand me. Non of them here, ever do or ever will. They call me the loner, partypooper, loser, ik what they really are saying is I don't belong, I'm not part of this family, cause my mom is gay and they are all straight and Mormon I don't belong. I mean I should be used to this by now but nope still nothing. I don't fit. I never have. That's just a fact. I never will either. Fuck now I'm being made fun of cause of me being in the corner by an 8 YEAR OLD!!!! And no one is doing anything. Her mother just ignores it along with my other cousin who is between me and her. Like I said I don't belong. I don't fit. I feel like I'm adopted maybe I am and everyone is just lying to me telling me I came from my mom but really I'm adopted. I wish I wasn't here. I wish I wasn't born. I wish I never came. My cousin heidar just asked me if I'm ok. Ik he doesn't want the real answer which is no. I'm sitting here tears in my eyes and I say yeah. He leaves me alone once again. They don't want anyone sad here. Ik they don't really want me here but they do it so my mom doesn't get mad at her siblings. Why do i even try anymore? Why do I care what they think? Idk why they even try anymore. Ik they don't like me ik they don't want me here they never do. I'm different they don't like different. I am useless they see it. I'm horrible they see it too. I'm insane they see it but my mother doesn't and she isn't even here!!!! I'm stuck with family that doesn't want me. They never do and never will. I can't be what or who they want me to be. I wish I never existed and ruined the family's name. I wish I didn't exist and ruin people's life that wasn't only my families lives. I wish I could just drown in deep deep dark water peacefully. I wish I could just disappear and everyone forgets me, forgets what I have done to them. All the bad gone forever. Everything I have done bad gone like it was never there. I deserve to be locked up and never let out. I'M INSANE!!! but no one except my family notices. No one believes me. I wish everyone would just ignore me. I wish I didn't let people in just to have them hurt me more and more as they go. They realise I'm nothing and leave me. I DON'T WANNA BE HERE!!!!!!!! I'm not sure why I ever wrote this. U didn't have to actually read this any of u who do. Don't vote please that just means that u agree and I can't take it anymore.
