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emo

i am emo so if you don't wanna read don't read.

if you don't know, i'm diagnosed with SAD (social anxiety disorder) and mdd, also known as clinical depression.

these two mental disorders have taken a huge toll in my life, never have i imagined that it would affect me as much as it is now.

social anxiety mostly affects me. people usually get it mixed up with hating being around people. social anxiety is not that. sometimes at school i literally start to have a panic attack within me. it is too much pressure to sometimes be around people. to even ask a question it takes all my courage to walk up and say i have a question. the fear of being judged is horrible, and unfortunately it's not something i can control. and i walk down the halls alone, with no one to talk to. this will sound really sad, but at school my best friend is truly my phone. sitting alone at lunch is hard. and it hurts like a motherfucker. so i ask you now to please be thankful that you have friends to sit with if you do. or if you're like me, don't worry. you're not alone. we will get through it.

mdd usually takes a toll, because sometimes i get disinterested in simply living in a quick second. it takes a toll on my appetite too and the amount of sleep i get. i get a lot of mood swings because of it. and there are times where i just feel hopeless. life wasn't worth living.

people simply just know me as the girl or freak with social anxiety or with depression or the person with no friends.

trust me, it hurt a lot.

but now, i realize that even if you have a mental disorder

you are so much more than a person with a mental disorder.

you have talents and so many great qualities, and it may be hard to come to terms with. hell, i haven't even come to terms with it yet.

but if you are like me, we're gonna get through it.

even if it takes a while with no friends, we are going to live and kick ass.

thank you if you read this far

- melanie the tree