How to Love

Yeah I’m shy. I’m insecure. I don’t think I’m good enough. I don’t think I’m pretty enough. Don’t all girls have some of those thoughts at some point of their life? This world just doesn’t make sense to me. Girls always say ‘I’m forever alone!!!’ next second they have boyfriends. ‘Ugh I will never be friends with them again I hate them’ next day they’re back to being best friends again because they’re too popular to not be seen with. It really just doesn’t make sense. This world doesn’t make sense as I said before. People are always making promises that they can’t keep. For example ‘I love you I would never hurt you.’ Yeah that one has gotten me way too many times, and I’m done trying for the right guy to come. . Maybe he's out there somewhere. I don't know. But it’s safe to say I have trust issues.

Advice to all guys out there: don’t ever play a girl. Even if it’s just a bet or some dare. Don’t do it. You don’t even know how bad you’re hurting them even if you think it’s funny. It’s not. Not to us girls anyway. I have experience with that. I have gone through every break up possible: from them cheating, being used for a bet, etc. I'm just not perfect enough for anybody. But I’ll save you from having to hear my sob stories. I feel like Doctor Phil…let’s move on.

My name is Ashton, yes a weird name, I know. But I like it, its different from the normal names you hear all the time like Sarah, Jessica, etc. My mom was pregnant with me at 17. She had me then my dad left her cause he 'wasn't ready to be a father'. Thats probably where some of my trust issues with boys come from. If I can't trust the guy that helped make me to stay with me and be my dad, how do I know some random guy is going to stay with me, imperfections and all. Obviously I wasn't good enough for my dad, or any guy for that matter. I guess just never fully let a guy in, I always had these walls up so if they happen to leave me, it wouldn't hurt as bad. I've learned to not expect too much because believing and trusting leads to a bigger let down when you're disappointed by someone. If that's not enough, my mom decided she wasn't ready to be a mom and left me with her mom, my grandma. My grandma and grandpa have basically raised me. Who knows who I would be today with out them.

They own this huge insurance company. It's safe to say they're pretty well off. Anyways they decided to expand and open another branch...in Canada. We live in Cali right now. So they decided to put me in boarding school until they get back. One year. One year out of my comfort zone..alone. I'm not exactly jumping over rainbows about it if you feel me. I'm really close with my grandparents. And growing up with them around me all the time cause they work from home, is going to make it even harder to be away from them for a year. I'll get to fly to visit them at holidays but that's about it.

So today is the day I'm leaving. I was waken up my alarm that sounds like a wailing siren. Yes, because every morning should begin with a heart attack. I trudged to my closet and threw on the most comfortable thing I could find. Living with rich grandparents definitely has its perks. The maid had already packed my two huge suitcases with all my clothes. And when I say huge don't be mislead I mean HUGE! I can almost fit in it. I went to bathroom, took a quick shower, straightened my naturally wavy hair, and put minimal makeup on. All im going to be doing is sitting in the car for three hours whats the point of impressing? I grabbed my bag with my cell phone, wallet, etc. and went downstairs where my grandparents were.

My grandma and grandpa are so cute. Theyre not grumpy old people that fight all the time, they love each other a lot. I want to find a guy and have a relationship like them. They're my role models. He still gives her flowers, and surprises her by taking her on dates. And just saying he can be pretty perverted for a grandpa.

I walked into my grandmas open arms. That familiar lump was setting in my throat letting me know I was about to cry. I don't like to cry. It shows weakness. I buried my head in her shoulder inhaling her comforting scent.

"it's only a year Ash, we'll be back"

"I know" I said muffled by her designer cardian. I released her and looked into her kind eyes which were slightly watering. I gave her my best smile. She was with me through it all. First day of school, first day in high school (I'm a junior now), first boyfriend, first break up, first everything. She was there supporting me, encouraging me. I then walked into my grandpas strong arms. He still works out and everything. Like geez the guy never takes a break. He soothingly rubbed my back for a while. He, like my grandma was there through everything he taught me how to be tough. Not to let people bring me down. To stand alone if that was what it took to stand for what I believe in.

They walked me out to the cab which would take me to West Brook Boarding school. The cab man lugged/dragged my suitcases to his huge trunk. I climbed in the car looking out my window to see my grandpa with his arm over my grandma. They both waved at me smiling my grandmas eyes still watering. My grandpa says he's a man, and men don't cry. But ive walked on him watching a chick flick and I saw his eyes watering. And now his eyes were watering too I saw. So I rolled down my window trying to lighten the situation.

"Yo gramps, got something in your eye?" I laughed.

He laughed. "Yeah there was this gush of wind, you know how it is." I laughed.

"Whatever keeps you going old man" I joked. We always joke around together. It's part of our relationship.

The cab driver got in his seat and slammed his door. I waved to my grandparents for as long as I could still see them. I put my earphones in and settled against the door resting my eyes.

West Brook Boarding school here I come...

Heeeey guys :) so this is my first story on there. And I reeally want you guys to comment and tell me how I'm doing. I swear it'll get more interesting I've just gotta get it started right now. Let me know what I can improve or what you want to happen..cause it just might :P like seriously do it!! It would make me happy haha. I wanna talk to you guys :)