New Beginnings

October?

Sunday, October 1

October? What? How'd this happen?

As someone from Alabama, I kind of forgot that Iowa gets cold in the mornings, so I went to church this morning in shorts and a T-shirt, not realizing that it was October here in Iowa. On the way into church, Ava, my nine-year-old niece, followed me out, and she shrieked, "I'm moving to Canada because it's so cold here!"

I raised my eyebrows. "Ummm, it's colder up there in Canada. Did you mean Mexico?" I asked, feeling like a bad uncle because I didn't prepare for the weather, even though I have developed a good portion of the "mom instinct", but I'm far from being a mom.

She laughed. "Oh, yeah, that's what I meant." I believed her. She's not dumb. Granted, until this year, she went to one of the worst schools in Alabama.

After church, my new best friend(literally), Morgan, asked Ava and I if we wanted to go grab lunch. Ava had already made plans for lunch with her friend from school, so Morgan and I ended up meeting up for lunch alone.

Here's how I know Morgan: In August, Ava and I visited a church at an elementary school, and we met a couple, Adrian and Jess. They have one daughter, Kaylen, and she's in Ava's class. A few weeks later, we came back to the church, and Adrian's sister, Morgan, was in town for the eclipse that no one cares about anymore. Morgan is from New Mexico, and we exchanged numbers and kept in contact everyday, even when she went back home. I also go to this church now.

A couple weeks ago, Adrian and Jess invited us over to hang out, and Morgan was there because she got a job up here as a store manager at a craft store. She didn't tell me because she wanted to surprise me, and then the next day, I helped her move get all moved in, as well.

I like Morgan. I'll just come right out and say it, but I'm supposedly kind with another girl, Whitney. We're taking it "slow", but I don't know if I want a relationship with her because she's kind of complicated, and Ava and her daughter are best friends.

Part of me feels like I'm cheating on Whitney, but we barely even talk. And nothing has happened between us.

Today Morgan and I went to some place I don't remember the name of, and when we sat down, we fell into random small talk. She's really easy to carry a conversation with.

"I have a question," she said to me a little before the meal came.

"I probably don't have an answer," I told her. "I don't know many things."

She laughed a little bit. "How have you been able to keep your head above water and raise Ava at the same time?"

I took in a deep breath, trying to find the honest answer. "To be honest, I have no idea." I laughed a little. "Sometimes I don't even know if I am keeping my head above water."

She raised her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, single parenting isn't easy. It's not fair because the logistical stuff—like transportation doesn't work out very well because, ideally, you should have two people on a team when it comes to that, not one." I took a sip of water. "And also, I'm not a mom."

She nodded slowly, taking that in. "Do you ever wish you didn't have her?"

I bit my lip, shaking my head. "No, I can't think that way. I can't wish for things from the past." I shrugged a little. "And honestly, she's like my daughter, and I wouldn't trade my child for anything."

Morgan reached over and put a hand on my arm. "That's so sweet." I hate compliments. I'm so awkward when people compliment me.

"Thanks," I said quietly.

Her blonde and brunette ombré hair was perfect against her sun-kissed skin. Her hazel-green eyes blended well with her army green dress. She ran a hand through her hair and looked up at me. "So, what was your last relationship like?"

I laughed a little again. "Well, in college, there was this girl named, Anna, and we were kind of a thing, but she was pretty boring. I also didn't really have much time because college was really hard for me as it was a big step academically for me since my high school sucked. We just kind of faded out."

"What years of college?"

"Junior and senior year."

She nodded slowly. "And nothing since then?"

"Nothing serious, no."

"Why is that?"

"Ava." I paused. "I didn't want to confuse her at all because my mom would bring home boyfriends, and then I would begin to trust them, but then it never worked out."

Morgan sighed. "So you sacrificed everything for her?"

"I wouldn't go that far."

"Would you be willing to date if you found the right person?"

"Without a doubt, but not in front of Ava."

Morgan gave me a weak smile. "Good to know." I nodded, smirking. Then she asked, "Do you want someone to be a mother to Ava?"

"A motherly figure who gives motherly love, but my sister will always be her mother."

"Where's Ava's father?"

"My sister doesn't know. Or at least she won't tell me." I paused. "I don't know his name."

"So, does he even know she's alive?"

"Highly doubt it."

I changed the subject to her family instead of mine, but we had a really great conversation. I had to go home though because I had to put grades in for the six week grades. (I'm an eighth grade English teacher.) Man, I can barely believe we've been in school this long.