New Beginnings

Practically Cheated

Thursday, October 19

Yesterday's entry was almost impossible for me write. The interesting thing about writing a blog is the fact in order to be real on here, I have to be real with myself. In other words, I have to break my thoughts down, which is a blessing and curse. It helps me process things better.

Last night, I had to pick Ava up from church, and Whitney, my sort-of-ex had to pick up her daughter, as well. I always park near the front of the parking lot, and so does she. Last night, Whitney decided to park right next to me. For those of you who don't know, last Friday, I told her that I was seeing another girl. I really screwed up, I know. I shouldn't have been seeing anyone if there was any assumption that I was with Whitney. I'm not going to make a bunch of excuses about it.

But she said some pretty nasty things when I told her I didn't want to be with her. I don't even want to repeat what she said. All I'm gonna say about it is that there are certain subjects you don't pick at, and she crossed the line of my insecurities, and it was not okay.

When she came up to my truck, I checked the doors to make sure they were locked. She motioned for me to open the window, so then I decided to be the bigger person, and I rolled down my window.

"Hey," I said as if nothing had ever happened between us.

"Are you okay?" she asked, probably seeing the redness on my face, and knowing that's not normal for me. 

"I just spoke to my sister on the phone," I said to her. "But yeah."

"Oh, how'd that go?"

Why was I telling her this? Of all people. "It was really good, but since it's been over six years, it was really hard for both of us."

"Does Ava know?"

"She knew I was going to talk to her. She doesn't know I spoke to her tonight."

"Ah, that's good."

"Yeah."

Whitney sighed, resting her elbows on the window frame on my truck. "I need to apologize to you."

She was right. She did need to apologize. I had already apologized to her. There wasn't a whole lot more I could do. I didn't know what to say either, so I didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry for the way I treated you, and I'm sorry for saying really hurtful things that weren't true, even though I knew saying those things would hurt you. I think it's safe to say we were barely together. I mean, we hung out, but I don't think you were ready to have a relationship with me in front of the girls, and I get that." She paused. "I'm not gonna lie though. It hurt a lot, and I hope you never do that to anyone again. You practically cheated, and that is not okay."

I bit my lip. "I know. I'm sorry."

"I want you to tell her what you did."

"I will," I promised, knowing that I needed to be honest with Morgan about everything, even though being honest can be one of the toughest things to do.

"Thank you. I wish the best for you, and I want the girls to still hang out, but I don't think you and I should hang out with each other anymore."

"I agree," I told her.

"Okay. Have a good night."

"You too."

Then she went back to her car, and that was it.