Dreams and Thoughts of a Teenage Girl

Alone

     Have you ever felt so alone you wished you'd just fade away into the night? Everything is closing in on you... you're losing everything you knew, including one of the best people you've ever known. You're cornered in your new adventure, no friends your age, your few friends forgetting you exist sometimes.
     I feel that way. In fact, I feel that way quite a lot. I thought all was well in the town I missed so dearly, but really? The place is a mess. It's a survival of the best. You fit in or you don't, you have friends or you don't. But at least they have friends there. At least I come back to something, even if it's different. Here? I'm the girl with no friends. I'm the girl who is so quiet she practically blends into the wall until she's gone from existence. Sometimes I wish that. Sometimes I wish I was a crayon and you could just warm me up and melt me away. It'd be more fun than the constant worrying, stress, sadness, tears, anger, fear.... it'd be better than realizing in the bottom of your heart that in reality, there is no safe place anymore. It's dead. And soon? Soon the memories of me will melt away like a crayon and turn into new people, better people. These people will let these newly changed people who I was separated from thrive while I let myself melt. Slowly... carefully.... into a pile even more useless than before. You wondered how I'm doing? This is how I'm doing. Happy? No? Not surprising. You. You're also a thing I fear the change of. All you do is yell and talk of how I could do so much better. Maybe you should consider the fact that me? Heh, I'm not you. I'm nothing like you, I'm lighter than you wanted, I'm slower than you wanted, I'm weirder than you wanted, I'm not what you wanted, and you never liked that. Here's the truth. Right here, right now. But don't worry, there's no need to be worried. I'm okay, I'm strong like you said, right? I'm outgoing like you said, right? Huh... if these are so desirable, then why is it that you pity my social interaction because it usually doesn't exist? If I'm so awesome, why is it that I'm miserable? Why is that? Many reasons. I could name them for hours, but lets keep it short. There's tons of reasons. And this place? The is the biggest reason.