Dreams and Thoughts of a Teenage Girl

Reality

Life is like a roller coaster. You have ups, you have downs, you have twirls, you have stomach clenches. Very true, correct? Well... life isn't just the rollercoaster. Sometimes, it's the whole theme park. You wait in line to park, you wait to get in, you wait to be searched, and once you finally get in, you wait in more and more lines with the hope you can enjoy something you love. Then there's always those few rides. You wait forever, you put off most of your fun day to wait for it. You wait and wait and wait and finally get to the front of the line, but then... some worker apologizes and tells everyone to leave because he's on break and the ride can't be operated until he's off break. You're frustrated.
I've felt that feeling, but I'm not talking about with amusement parks. I'm talking about this stupid world where everything just gets harder and harder and the pressure on my chest gets harder and harder until I bust. I bust a lot now, but there's always those few beloved things that keep me happy... I put away so much time to be with these things that comfort me... but I have to wait. I wait, patiently. I don't get impatient, I'm very lenient to this thing's schedules and mine because I'm desperate to see this thing that keeps me from exploding. I need it so that I won't explode and I need it soon, but I still wait. I try to keep my patience, but I'm starting to lose it. I only see a glimpse and then it's gone, it's back, then gone again... like someone teasing you with money. I'm so frustrated... so upset. Why does this world seem to want to torture me so badly? I'm tired of it... I'm tired of it all... I'm tired of holding in the pain. Now? Well... now it's only a matter of time until I release my hurt by myself, something I know shouldn't do, but I won't let myself explode. I'm tired of hurting... I'm tired of the tiny bursts... the pressure. I don't know how long I can handle being so deprived of this thing that doesn't even realize how much it's needed. It doesn't realize how much I'm hurting... and I won't let it. It'll try to understand, but soon think I'm just selfish and trying to take away other's doses. That's why I hide it. That's why I smile all the time. Did you really think I could be that happy? Oh honey, no one with my life is that happy. Everyone has a mask to hide behind, I just use mine much more often than you know. You wouldn't want to see under my mask anyway... there's a lot of things... you wouldn't like.