Curiosity is a dangerous thing

Chapter 7

   I run out of my room, worried because by my mom's cough. I enter hers and see vomiting all over the floor. I get quickly something to wipe it and a glass of water.

"Thank you." Her voice can hardly be heard.
"What happened?" I ask worried.
"I woke up from a nightmare and puked."

Judging by the empty whiskey bottle next to her, I doubt it was only the nightmare.

"Why do you do that?" I feel so angry. Tears start falling from the corners of my eyes. "You're destroying us, can't you see?"

"I'm sorry i'm such a terrible mother." she wishpers.
"No more sorries mom! I'm tired of seeing you like this. I'm tired of coming home and throwing empty bottles in the trush. It's been one year like that. I think I've had enough. Try to get yourself together. He's gone whithout hesitation! Aren't you tired?"

    She starts crying, but I only feel rage. For my father leaving us, for her destroying us and for myself not being able to believe in anybody! I run to my room, lock the door and start crying on my bed.

That's not fair.I've tried everything! Lately, I've tried not to think about it and I had fun after a really long time. But it's hard. Instead of her protecting me, it's the other way around. This can't go on forever. I wipe my tears and head to the bathroom. I need a bath.

   I sit near my window looking at the park with a towel on my hair, already feeling better. My mind wonders around, until it stops at yesterday's events.

I don't know what is happening to me. My love life the last year has been basically a desert. I broke up with my ex to concentrate on my studying and when that passed, dad left us. That's when the chaos begun. All this time, I didn't want to get close to anyone.

Love was something imaginary, I read on books in college, with knights and princesses, risking everything to be together. Love still struggles to find a place in my world. So I just left the chapter boys completely out of my life.

Something is different about him. I can see that. It's not love. It's passion and it better stays that way.
Or maybe it's the curiosity I feel every time he looks at me that excites me or the desire to be able to read through his silence. I don't know what exactly all this costs. But I don't have the luxury of letting someone in right now. Too much to lose.

   I look at the clock on the wall. I have an hour to get ready for work. Today I'm working with Marc only, because Kate went on a trip with her parents.
I put work's clothes on and get out of the apartment without talking to my mom.

    The streets are full of people, but I don't really pay attention. I'm thinking about her. What else can I do, so we can have a normal life again? My mind is a mess. I want to get away from all of that. And maybe I should. The toxicity is too much.

   Marc is on a really good mood today. Kate texted me this morning, that yesterday they came closer, but nothing more happened. Well, same. I want so bad to discuss with her everything, but I guess I'll wait till she comes back.

   Marc and I are acting cute around Luciano, having fun with the customers and play war of popcorn when we don't have orders. Secretly though.

"We should continue the war with Kate next time" he says fixing his hair.
"I think not" Luciano says and grabs his ear. The customers laugh at the free show they're enjoying, including me.

They have a really cute relationship, that I envy. It's so good to watch them play like little kids. It's refreshing I'd say. And sad altogether. Because I know I can't have that anymore.

   Trying to escape my thoughts, I go to the outside tables to see if someone needs anything and I recognise four familiar figures. Gabriel raises his hand for me to notice him and I nod smiling. I boil inside, but that's a different story.

"What should I bring you, boys?" I say playfully. I'm trying not to look at him much. I don't know how to behave after what happened.

The 3 of them give me their orders, and now it's his turn. I look at him anticipating for a clue of what he might be thinking. But he gives me nothing but a smile and his order. I consider myself lucky the tables inside are full. I wouldn't be able to concentrate with his eyes on me.

    I'm trying to avoid going outside as much as I can, so I let Marc do all the outside job. As I serve the tables, I bring his face on my mind searching for anything that reveals his thoughts about yesterday. He was just kind. Just kind, nothing else. I feel stupid for feeling anything at all. Well done Anna! Overthinking again.

Angry at myself, I walk to the kitchen to take some clean glasses, but before I get in, I see Matty leaning on the bathroom's door. Before I could say anything, he speaks.

"At last!". He grabs my arm, he gets us in and then locks the door. He comes closer and closer, until I can fell his breath on my face.

"I love this shirt on you". His finger starts moving from my collarbone, to my shoulders, to my hand and all the way to my stomach. He stops at the point where my jeans start. I'm searching for something to say but my brain is empty. His hand gets around my waist and pushes me against his body. He leans in to kiss me.

    Sometimes I feel my life is strange, then sometimes it's definitely a cliche.
Or worse, a spanish soap opera.
There's a knock on the door. Of course there is, I mean why wouldn't?

"Fuck" Matty says under his breath. I'm thinking the same, but my brain still doesn't function properly to form a sentence.

I step away from his embrace, which I certainly regret, and open the door, after unlocking it painfully slow, so it doesn't make a sound.

In front of me there is a really cute old woman, grey hair, cute face and everything.

"I'm sorry for keeping you outside, I was cleaning. Come on in" I say smiling as I get out from the bathroom.

I can't even turn to look at Matty right now. My embarrassment consumes me whole.

I return to work, trying to put the glasses on the shelves, without breaking any.
My mind runs in full speed. Oh my god, Matty was ready to kiss me. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"You look anxious", someone says behind me and I freeze. I turn slowly and it's Marc having apparently the best day of his life. Because, apparently, he saw the whole thing.

"You look like you should shut up" I say nervously and put a glass on a shelf.
"Calm down Anna, I was just joking. Because you're putting them on the wrong shelf" he winks at me and grabs some glasses to put them in the right place this time.

"Fuck, sorry Marc" I apologise.
He winks at me again and leaves the kitchen. I sigh and grab my temples. I feel on edge.

It's funny how I'm all words, but when it comes down to actions, I chicken out. I know I shouldn't let it get to my head. Him specifically. I have bigger problems. But when he's close to me all the pain is gone for a few minutes. Something replaces it. Something that I try to keep tamed.