Curiosity is a dangerous thing

Chapter 9

I remember the time we moved to Rome so vividly. I was ten. We were living in Athens till then. My father got a great job opportunity, so Rome it was.

This city was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. It seemed so imposing, even by the view of the small airplane window. And I loved it right away. The buildings, the food , the people, fascinated me. And I had the time of my life during my puberty.

I remember all the walks I took with my friends after school, through the paved and picturesque streets, eating ice cream and imagining our life as young adults. Oh, all these scenarios. They were crazy.

Mom and Dad seemed happy, too. I recall the smell of the pies my mom used to make. They tasted like heaven. Sweet or salty, they were all amazing.

Three years ago, I thought my life would be completely different. I wanted to get in college, move out and live by myself, and go to parties every weekend. Little did I know that I wouldn't be able to do any of that.

Sometimes I wonder if I did something wrong. But then again, I was only doing what was supposed for my age. That's what my dad used to say, at least. "Go do you, little one, but be back at 10, no discussion" he said every time I wanted to go out. And then he'd stroke my hair and take me to his embrace for a hug. He used to call me his little girl. Mom would stare proudly until I was long gone in the alleys. Things were simple back then.

I open my eyes and look around. The sunbeams try to get inside the room through the closed curtains. I'm in Kate's living room. I fell asleep on her couch.

I grab my phone to see if I've got notification, but nothing's in the mailbox. No phone calls either. Which is probably a good thing. Bad news spread way faster than good ones.
I have to go to the hospital as soon as possible. I want to be by my mom's side through this.

I know have to find the right balance between me and my mom eventually. This situation is slowly killing me.

"Good morning, sunshine. How are you feeling?" a smiley Kate enters the room.
"Better, thanks. But I have to get back. Could you give me a lift?" I ask her.
"Of course, don't even worry about it. I talked to Luciano, he said you can come back to work whenever you feel ready." she reassures me.
"It's going to be pretty soon. I need to focus on other things right now. Who's car is this, anyway?" I ask going to the kitchen to make some coffee.
"It's a present from my parents." she answers rather apologetically.
"Cool" I say giving her a big smile. I don't want her to feel guilty. It's the only thing I wanted to avoid all along. Pity.

The hospital looks exactly like yesterday. Foreign and cold.
I stop by the doctor's office, before I go see my mom, and knock twice.
"Come in." I hear a familiar voice.
"Good Morning." I say closing the door.
"Have a seat, Anna." he smiles.
"How is my mom doing? Is she better?"

"Well, dear, we ran some tests and had her talk to a psychiatrist this morning. Your mom has severe depression along with dependence on alcohol and pills. But I think you know that already, am I right?"

Of course I know that, I was there from the start. But I just nod. It's so strange hearing all these things. It's like they're taking a form. They force you to understand it's true.

"So, I believe, you can understand the importance of rehab." he waits for me to say something, but continues when he realizes I'm unable to.

"The hospital could give you some recommendations on possible locations. And it's up to you and your mom to decide if and where she wants to go."

"These locations, are they close?" I ask still not comprehending fully what he says.
"Well, some of them, yes. But you need to discuss this further with the psychiatrist. He's in the right position to advise you. His office is on the second floor, third door to your left." he informs me.
I thank him and excuse myself.

On my way to the psychiatrist, my mind wonders whether my mom will consider the option of rehab. And if she does, what will I do? I have none left but my mom.

I find his office and knock. No answer. Knock again. Still nothing.
"I guess, you're waiting for me?" a tall man appears next to me.
"It depends. Are you the psychiatrist?" I answer unsure.
He nods politely and opens the door to his office holding it open so I get in.
"I believe you already have talked to Mr. Pelagatti".
That's a really odd name.

"Yes. He told me, you could recommend some Rehabilitation Institutes.".
"Of course. I agree it's the best option. Apart from the drinking problem and sadness, your mom was using drugs, more specifically pills, that were not prescribed to her. From what she told me, I believe she has a supplier." he waits for me to understand entirely the facts.

The thing is I understand them, but I don't want to believe them.

"In that case, it's best for her not to be in town for a while." he continues.
"How much time precisely that is?" I ask him lost.
"That depends on her, to be honest. However, normally it's 6 months minimum." he states.
Six months. Six months she'll be away. Minimum.

The room is warm with mild lightning. My mom is asleep on the hospital bed. She looks so peaceful, I haven't seen her like that in a long time.

I don't want to wake her up just yet, but my body betrays me as I move the chair in front of the bed loudly.

"Anna." she whispers, trying to sit up.
"Let me help you." I say as I make the pillows more comfortable for her.
"How are you feeling?" I ask her trying to sound stable.
She just looks me in the eyes. I see regret and pain on hers.
"We have a lot to talk about, mom." I sound more confident than I really feel.

After a long monologue, about my feelings, I state the options. Although it feels uneasy, I recommend to her an Institute outside the city.

"It's for the best, I promise." I say confidently. She doesn't say a word, but I see tears forming in her eyes.
"I'll go grab your things, the doctors said it's best if you leave immediately." I stand up and go for the door handle, when she speaks.

"I want you to live normally from now on, little one. And please, promise me you'll be careful." she says worried.
"I promise." I say and get out of the room.

Today's weather goes perfectly with my mood. It's cloudy.
That, however, doesn't stop people having the time of their lives. I observe them as the taxi driver passes through busy streets with summer hits playing on the radio. It's surreal really. Everyone around me seems happy, but I haven't felt lonelier.

Climbing the stairs to my apartment, I hear voices laughing. I think they're coming from Kate's. And I'm right, because I see Marc standing at the door. Kate is in front of him holding the door open and she spots me when I enter the hallway.

"Hey Anna!" she shouts and smiles at me. Marc turns to see me and nods hello.
"Hi guys." I say smiling and keep on walking.

But as I pass them, I see Matty. My heart starts beating faster right away. I don't know what to do, so I stick with continuing the route to my place. With trembling hands, I try to get my keys out of my purse. I sigh when I find them, and endeavour to put them in keyhole. I consider it a success when I hear the click sound faster than I expected, but a voice stops me from opening the door.

"We didn't finish what we started." I hear.
"Now it's not the time, Matty." I say turning my head to look at him. He seems confused. I turn back and open the door. As I attempt to close it, I look at him one last time. He just stands there looking back at me. Probably not knowing what to say. I throw him an apologetical look and close the door, questioning my behavior. After all, running from him was the last thing I wanted to do.