rants, ideas, + more

uhhh hey

wow i haven't been on here in forever it's been crazy
life has drastically changed since my last rant
i've lost a few friends and i've gained quite a bit more
uhhhhh
ok so
i went to homecoming last night (at a different school)
i had a date
i didn't really know him and he added me off the snap story at a festival and then we kinda talked then i slid up on his sarahah (anon message) and i said "you're cute and you go to a different school but i don't have a chance with you" and he posted it so i slid up and said that it was me and we started date talking and i was living
then my birthday came up and i invited him?? also his friend came that i didn't know that he said that was his twin brother but they've just known each other for yearss and it was lit and they were both really cute and we chilled in my basement(them two and then me and my best friend) and then we had a bonfire.... then a day after he asked me to his hoco and i said yes ??? and then he said he was gonna ask me out in person too buuuuut uhhhh ok why tho
the poster said "homecoming would be unbearable without you" and he had a teddy bear and flowers but i only wanted the bear lmao
and he tried asking me to be his girlfriend a couple times but i said we have to talk and hang out more
and then yesterday was crazy
it was so awkward when it was just me and him
but we met up with two of his guy friends and we went to applebee's and i got a cheese burger because idgaf and they got chicken tenders but whatever
then we walked to gamestop which wasn't that far and i was wearing heels and his friend commented on how i was keeping up with them while wearing heels and i like hunty this is my first time walking in heels LMAOO then they were kinda impressed cause i was pointing out a lot of good games
then we walked to walmart and a few people complimented my dress and i was like yuhhhh
and we got those bracelet glow sticks haha lit
then we got to the dance and it was a bit awkward and uhhhhh
i didn't really dance or talk much but my date was very talkative and veryyy dancey and i really was not living for it
also a girl grinded on him when he was twerking
and then a girl started twerking in front of him and then HE started grinding on him and the girls didn't realize that his date (aka ME) was right there watching it happen and i was laughing about it cause he didn't do anything about it but when his friend told the girls they apologized a lot and hugged me but i was like nooo it's really fine have fun!
my date said sorry like three times on snapchat but i was like noo i'm serious i'm fine
oh and then a slow song came on and i was like NOOOO I HAVE TO LEAVEE I CANT DO THIS
but we danced and it was terrible and awkward and the first minute he made DEADLY eye contact with me and i'm like SKRTTT NOPE so i ended up not looking at him for the rest of the song HAHAHSD but uhhhhh
scary shittttt
and then later on his friends mom picked us up again and then brought us to his bonfire and we chilled there for an hour and it was terrible there too
i didn't talk much and idk everything was just so weird
ok so that's all i can say for that
...
...
uhhh
hmmm what else happened
ok so
i also lost my best friend (not dead, she just doesn't talk to me anymore)
um
we would've been friends for four years, on my birthday....
i have so many memories with her, it's heartbreaking
i pass her all the time in the hallway and we have a class together and it terrifies me because i feel like she hates me now
all because i made a new friend
i've always had trouble talking to people but now i get a friend, she hates me for it
i've tried taking to her a couple times but she ignores it
so i guess i can't call her my best friend anymore ...
it happened over the summer, i tried hanging out with her multiple time but she always couldn't except for one time and you could feel how tense it was between us and something had obviously changed
its a shitty feeling
but i still see all her tweets and posts on her spam and i'm pretty sure that a few are about me

like one of them says "i find it crazy how you're doing things that i tried getting you into but now you're doing them with someone else, such as a singer and makeup" but
uhhhh
i got myself into that, no one tells me who i listen to. feelings change a lot for me. i've always lowkey listened to their music but never told ANYONE that i liked it because i didn't wanna bandwagon or be a fake fan, because i always told myself that i "hate" them and i cant let anyone know my real feelings.
i'm a very different person than i was in 2014. even last year. its just who i am.
and makeup. i've always hated it, besides for once in 6th grade but i was terrible at it and it was dumb as SHIT like i used blue eyeliner and wore disgusting clothes.
i wanted to change a bit about myself this year, so i'm trying to get into makeup so i look and feel better. i just wear a bit of power and highlight and sometimes lipstick and mascara but no one forced me into it. I wanted this for MYSELF . feelings change. for better or for worse and i think it's for the better. but that's not what she thinks.
i'm not trying to be rude and i don't hate her or anything i just need to get this off my chest. i dont think anyone's reading besides for future me at this point.
my mom told me a couple days ago that if there's ever something that bothers me: sleep on it. and if it still is there, then write about it. so i am. ok i'm moving on for now what else

ah
ok
i went to the harry styles concert in chicago on the 26th with the new best friend
i had to skip school and cheer on tuesday and wednesday and it was littyyyyy
it was like a 6 hour car ride and we made good memories, like listening to the spongebob album, and then all the drinks we had because we were so thirsty.
we got there and stayed at the hotel for a couple hours and then took s bus to the chicago theatre and it was so cool
i bought two shirts and a poster and spent all my birthday money on it... whoops
but the concert was so lit and sad at the same time and we were near the back but my phone camera has a pretty good camera so i got some nice pics and vids and i cant stop watching it
also we took a bus there and back and it was spooky at night tho haha crazy
then the concert ended after an hour cause it was only his full album and three covers and he did what makes you beautiful and i was SOBBING all the songs were so good live and he talked a bit in between songs and his voice is HEAVEN oml
but yea i have school tomorrow and it's midnight so i'll be backkkk sometime idk