When We Collide (Temporarily On Hold)

4🌸

"I just heard from someone in the bathrooms that there is a dorm party on the roof this Friday." Ryan squeals excitedly when I open the door.

"Well good morning to you too." I open my door a little wider allowing her to step into my dorm fully.

How is she so happy in the morning? Not to mention she is fully dressed while I'm still in loose shorts and a t shirt. Although that could be because I am just feeling lazy.

"Morning. As I was saying school has been so stressful lately. We are going to the party." She jumps on my bed and looks at me excitedly.

I used to go to parties all the time back in Acala but that was over a year ago. It just didn't hold the same appeal as it once did. But I can't tell Ryan that. She might start asking questions or look at me with those sympathetic looks that I hate so much.

No, telling her isn't an option. I will just have to keep it all buried in the past where it belongs.

"Ryan it hasn't even been a week since classes started." I laugh walking to grab some clothes for the day.

She didn't say anything about my non excitement about the party so I take that as a small win as I grab my jeans and a sweater. I know it is technically summer but it is cold in the lecture hall.

"I know but - Please tell me you aren't going to wear that ugly green sweater." I glance from her to the sweater in my hands saying nothing.

It's not that ugly. I mean sure lime green wasn't exactly my first choice but it could be worse.

"Brin, honey, I think we need to go shopping for a new wardrobe. This" She grabs the sweater from my hands and holds it up to her "is for an eighty year old woman going to bingo, not a young hot college student." I grab the sweater back from her, tossing it on my bed while I search for something else.

"I need a job before I can even think of a new wardrobe." Once again my mind is consumed with worry.

What if I can't find a job? I have been applying everywhere I have been going, on and off campus. I don't have a plan B. I could call my mom, but that opens about ten different cans of worms that I don't have the energy to deal with. Besides, she is barely getting by lately as it is.

"Well then I say, let's hit this party tomorrow night to unwind and back to job search on Saturday."

"Or I can just job search tomorrow and Saturday." I hold up my black plaid shirt and Ryan nods in approval.

"I will not let you miss this party! College is a once in a lifetime experience and your first freshman party is among that!" She pleads.

I don't argue. How can I when I know that she has a point? I am the youngest I have ever been and the oldest I will ever be. Shouldn't I enjoy my 'wild' college years? I have been getting by for so long by just surviving, that I don't actually know how to live. I guess I will need to take baby steps. What harm is there to just a party anyway?

"Okay, I'll go."

"Good because you really didn't have a choice." She laughs as she follows me out towards the bathroom. 

-

There is something inexplicably beautiful about a summer day with a light breeze. The sky seems a remarkable blue and I decide to sit in the shade under one of the many trees WSU has scattered around campus.

I can feel the coolness of the bark through the shirt and a small smile crosses my face at the simplicity of it all. I haven't done something like this in a long time, but it is almost refreshing to my soul.

Not fixing my soul, but definitely refreshing.

I watch all sorts of people walking to and from their classes, but none of them seem to see me. The tree I am sitting under isn't even that far from the path, in fact I can hear them talking to each other as they walk by.

Maybe I should rethink my earlier stance on being invisible. I don't mean I can actually turn invisible, but maybe I have just gotten to good at blending in. That's all I tried to do in Acala. Blend in so that no one would ask me questions about what happen.

People can be just like vultures when tragedy strikes. They want the details down to the minute but will form their own opinion of the situation; cast their own judgments on those involved. 

My mind is cut short when I notice Noah walking with a group of his friends. Why of all the people that have been walking by, I was focused on him, I don't know. But now that I saw him, I just can't seem to look away from him and his group.

He looks so different when he is relaxed and carefree then when he is in my humanities lecture. In the lecture, he just taps away on his phone and hardly pays attention to those around him. But right now, his eyes are crinkled with laughter as he throws his head slightly back and claps a little. I can't help the small smile that graces my lips at the sight.

I was so focused on him, I missed the joke but I can't help but wonder what made him laugh that way. Was it a joke or a funny story?

Why do I care?

I watch as he wraps his arm around the shoulders of a girl standing next to him. Her grey blue hair falls in almost perfect waves down her back as she crosses her arms across her chest with a huff and a smile. He says something to her in a low whisper that causes her to push him slightly and they both laugh again.

Something in the gesture makes my heart constrict and I can't help thinking about my brother. He and I use to tease each other all the time like that.

But that was long ago and no matter how much I may want to, I can't go back.

I tear my gaze away from them and collect my things to head back to my dorm room. Just like that a perfect day is ruined by the storm clouds of my past.

<3 <3 <3 <3