Mmhmm I'm Bored

Late Night Thoughts

Faint sunlight flows in through your tightly shut window, highlighting the frailty of your nearly skeletal form. There's no one around you, no one has stuck around long enough. They've all either left as well or have just faded into memory as you're sure you've faded into theirs. The chipped white paint of your bed frame makes you realise how long it's been since they've lived here. They left way before you and left behind the faint scent of linen in the closet opposite of yours. You haven't moved anything still. Your parents have long been whisked away by the gentle breeze. The tears you shed on that day are still vaguely remembered. You wonder if there's even anyone to cry for you. You and them had never left behind a legacy to be remembered by. After both of your parents were gone, you were the only ones to hold each other until the sun went down. You once jokingly made a pact that if anyone would ever go first, it'd be you because of your clumsiness. Ironically, their grace had failed them in the end. The ladder tipped a bit too much to the right. That was the end. Those tears, however, are still fresh in your mind. It might've been years ago, but you could still feel the slight indent on the mattress. You wanted to roll over, but your body was too far gone at this point to move. You could only slightly brush your hand across the sheets to feel where they once were. You wanted to head right after them at that moment. You couldn't wait to see them again. But what if there was no afterlife? What if that love could never be experienced again? What if you could never fall into their embrace once more? What if you could never hear their voice calling your name one more time? You didn't want to think about that, but it remained prevalent in your mind. You were torn between wanting to stay and wanting to go. Would there ever be a moment where you held their face in your hands once again? Fate is cruel. It gives you a final ultimatum and hides it from you until the very last moment. No one ever knew that I was going to be alone today, and the day before that, and the day before that. I didn't either. I didn't know that I would leave alone and cold, not even the quilt my mother made keeping me warm anymore. Everyone always assumes that at least someone will cry for them when they die. But when it happens, the real result is disappointing. Some get the blessing of being mourned, but the ones like me are forgotten. I probably won't be found for years to come. The only ones who remember me have passed the stars. I can only hope that I can join them. But life is like quicksand. Everyone's gradually being pulled under, some struggling more than others. You can only flinch and look away as your loved ones eventually disappear. Nobody can move. The only thing that we can do is wait and struggle a little less to prolong the inevitable. As I close my eyes, my hand still on the spot next to me, I heave a raspy sigh that scratches through my throat. I didn't want to leave with my eyes open. I knew I could only feel disappointed as I did so. All I could do was desperately wish to be reunited with my love again. But deep down inside, I knew I wouldn't. I would never feel the love I once knew again. We can pass surrounded by everyone we love, but we all end up alone in death.