Don't Let Me Fall Again

Chapter Fourteen - Evacuate

Why the hell was I doing this? My heart was drumming painfully inside my chest as I shut Quinn’s front door behind me and started down the long skinny road back into Roseville town. As much as he tried to stop me from going and doing what Lewis said, I refused to listen to him. He didn’t understand. I couldn’t let anything happen to Gabby, or anyone else, as a matter of fact. If any of them were in my situation, I was certain that they’d do the same for me.

But I was so worried.

What if they wanted to kill me? They wouldn’t just finish me off like that, would they? I was pregnant. As soon as I realised that I was risking the life of my own baby, I burst into quiet sobs. What if something bad happened? I didn’t think I’d be able to live with it, if I actually did survive. I wasn’t going to live without my baby, and there was no chance that my baby would be able to live without me. Well, if I didn’t survive, it’d be Ryan’s fault because he was the one who wouldn’t let his friends teach me how to fight again.

It was so sad. If the worst did actually happen, it was really the worst time. I was too young to go. I still had my whole life ahead of me. I still had to find out which college accepted me, what course I actually wanted to take, what job I wanted to have, what house I was going to start my own family in … If I died now, I was missing out on so much, and my baby wouldn’t even get the chance to live.

I never even got a chance to get a scan and actually see my own child. Oh, and not to mention the fact that we never even thought of names to call him or her yet. I liked the name Saoirse *[Sear-sha] for a girl, and maybe Ruarí *[Rur-ee] for a boy … Ugh, I couldn’t believe I was thinking about this right now. But what else did I have to think about? What was going to happen next? It was nauseating. I hated not knowing what was going to happen next. I wasn’t prepared for this. No one was, except for Lewis and his little cronies, obviously. Well, I supposed there was only one way to find out what was going to happen next … so I kept on walking.

The air around me was bitter, making my goosebumps get their own goosebumps. I couldn’t stop shivering. Maybe my jacket was too light, or this was nature’s way of telling me to turn back around. The almost pitch-black sky was cloudless, and the moon was glowing eerily in the corner of my eye. I finally reached a road I recognised properly, which was practically empty, making me feel even more creeped out. Everyone was obviously inside their warm houses with their families, oblivious to what was about to happen. But, anyway, who in their right mind would suspect that Roseville was currently undergoing a raging gang war. At least there was a chance that it might all come to an end after this – whatever ‘this’ was.

Rubbing my hands together furiously, in an attempt to defrost my fingers, I carried on walking. Only had a few more minutes to go before I arrived at my destination … I wondered what Derek was going to be like … If I told him I was pregnant would he let me off the hook? I doubted it. Maybe I wouldn’t even have to tell him – my tummy was already starting to stick out … Soon enough the baby would be kicking …

I couldn’t think of what was going to happen next without bursting into tears. I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want any of this to happen. It wasn’t my fault, or my baby’s. We didn’t do anything. My dad was dead. Why couldn’t they just settle with that? My life was depressing enough as it was. I didn’t even have my boyfriend, and even though I was so angry with him, I knew I needed him. He wasn’t just a highschool boyfriend that got thrown away like a Kleenex, he was the best thing of my life.

But then there was Quinn. A caring liar who was constantly thinking about what was best for me, or what he thought was best for me. I liked him a lot … but now that I thought about it, I realised that our bond wasn’t really as strong as the one I had with Ryan. For some reason, Ryan was just … Ryan. There was no other way to describe him.