The Adventure Zone ➸ Oneshots

Taako x Magnus || Interruptions

[A Taako x Magnus oneshot requested by misfithorse]
[Wordcount: 1,392]
[Oneshot Type: Suggestive towards beginning, comedic in the middle, and fluffy at the end.]
[Summary: Taako puts his cooking to the test. Magnus the Birthday Boy gets a surprise. Robbie (Pringles) is in for an even bigger one.]
[Unedited]

     Today, on the Fourth of March, was Magnus's birthday. It was also the day that Taako, his boyfriend, came up with an idea for the perfect gift—and the perfect way to put his culinary talents to use.

     Taako was all about respecting tradition and creating dishes and deserts from scratch, but he figured it was okay to bend the rules every once in a while. After all, if nobody were willing to spice things up every once in a while, how could masterpieces such as garlic clove chicken be invented? 

     Following this logic, Taako allowed himself to depend on a canvas to truly add the right amount of flavor to his creation. But what, you may ask, could possibly be worthy of being such an integral part in Taako's original dish? There was only one thing that Taako would ever use as a canvas for his work: himself. Nothing else in existence could ever measure up to the aesthetic value he would—quite literally—bring to the table.

     Taako worked tirelessly, infusing his actions with his arcane abilities to aid in his culinary journey. It was hours of mincing, positioning different fruits, and spreading whipped cream before Taako even began to consider his work near completion. By the time he'd finished, he had to cast a spell in order to preserve the freshness of his spread. 

     It was all worth it, of course. Taako had convinced Merle to stay out of their shared dormitory for the night, thus allotting some alone time for he and his significant other. This being so, the night would surely end in some desirable activities. Considering the fact that Taako was looking downright edible, there was little doubt in the elf's mind that the evening would go exactly as planned. 

     It honestly seemed as though it would, too. Taako had finished setting everything into place just as he heard the heavy sound of Magnus's footfall nearing the door. The scene was even complete with mood lighting and soft conjured music.

     Taako's full, elven lips tilted up into an almost sardonic smile as Magnus swung the door open, flooding the dimly lit room with the bright florescent lighting of the Bureau of Balance halls. Laying on his side, the wizard gestured—very carefully, as not to ruin the flamboyant display of whipped cream and sweet delicacies covering his body—for Magnus to come in.

     Magnus's sideburn-laden face contorted into a look of clear surprise at the sight of Taako's welcome home. Within moments, though, he regained his composure and straightened up with an almost carnal grin.  "Is this a birthday gift?" He studied Taako, who had stretched out on the kitchen table with the grace only an elf could attain.

     Humming in confirmation, Taako allowed his eyes to languidly follow Magnus's movements as he shut the door behind him. "You seem to be the homemade gift type, and let me tell you: I am not something that money can buy; not for purposes such as this, at least."

    Magnus approached the table with a smoldering gaze. "I get the impression that you'll be getting as much satisfaction out of this as I will." He shrugged off his jacket, letting it fall into a bundle on the floor.

     Just as Taako, face warm with implications, was about to respond, the door was pushed open once again. This time, the person in the doorway wasn't one Taako had wanted to see. "Pringles?" the elf uptalked uneasily, squinting at the man's frame.

     Magnus turned around, his attention fully diverted by the sight of their roommate, Robbie, stumbling into the room. "Aren't you supposed to be in jail?"

     Robbie looked up at Magnus and Taako, unfazed by the state the wizard was in and incapable of sensing the mood. "Nah, man. I was in prison. I allegedly committed, like, a felony. Jail's more often used for holding and little stuff like minor drugs. I would know."

     Taako and Magnus watched, bewildered, as Robbie continued on to the kitchen. They glanced from each other to their uninvited guest, processing what the best course of action to take would be. 

     "Aw, man," Robbie said as he rummaged through the contents of the fridge. "No way! Kid Cuisine is, like, the best dinner to come home to."

     Magnus cleared his throat just as Robbie had taken the frozen food out. "Robbie? Do you think you could retire to your room for the evening?"

     The roommate in question shrugged as he loaded his dinner into the microwave. "Yeah, sure. Let me just finish—"

     "No way, Maggie." Taako glared discontentedly at his partner. "I am not doing anything while under the same roof as Pringles over here."

     Robbie gazed, eyes obscured by their usual dull glaze, at the microwave as he studied the rotation of his plate. "I'm under house arrest at the moment. I leave the apartment and, BAM!, the director gets the security to take me out." He glanced over his shoulder, the circles under his eyes slightly darker than when Taako and Magnus had last saw him. "I'll stay in my room, though, and leave you two to your business. I have plans with a significant other of my own, anyway."

     Taako, slightly distracted by the statement, raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. "Significant other?"

     Magnus and Taako recoiled as Robbie, without warning, shoved his hands down his pants and began rummaging around for Gods-know-what. After a few moments of heavy, awkward silence, he pulled out a DVD case. Upon closer inspection, Taako and Magnus recognized it to be a cheap porno titled, "I've Got an Exotic Proficiency With Whips."

      "Yeah, I haven't jerked it since being locked up, so I have a lot of catching up to do," Robbie explained lazily. "Don't get me wrong: I totally tried to while I was in prison. Unfortunately, having a gun trained on my skull wasn't as stimulating as I'd hoped."

     As Robbie finished his rather blunt statement, the microwave beeped the same annoying, high-pitched series of sounds that had woken up his roommates on so many of his past trips to the kitchen (Robbie would often make himself late-night meals to cure his two-o'clock-in-the-morning munchies, much to the aggravation of his sleep-deprived roomies). 

     Taako narrowed his eyes at Robbie, who was already grabbing his DVD and the limited-edition promotional Shrek kid cuisine he'd heated up for himself. "Listen, my dude: could you just try to keep it down tonight?" Taako requested. "It's Maggie's birthday and I'm looking to get absolutely plowed by him, if I'm being honest."

     Magnus's face flushed a deep shade of red at Taako's openness, but Robbie was unfazed. "Sure thing. I'll just stake it out from my own room. It's not like I haven't walked in on you guys before." He shrugged, already on his way down the hall.

     Magnus opened his mouth to ask Robbie to tell them exactly when he'd walked in on them, but Taako was quick to lean over and place a finely manicured finger to the fighter-rogue's lips. "We can worry about that later," Taako murmured, still set on his original plans despite the minor setback. "After all, aren't you hungry?"

     Magnus took in the appearance of Taako, and a grin broke out onto his face. The hilarity and oddness of the events that had just taken place dawned on him, and he broke into an entertained chuckled, a deep rumbling sound in his chest. Taako sat silent for a moment, but he soon joined Magnus in laughter, the ring of his laugh only causing Magnus's smile to widen further.

     Experiencing somewhat of an emotional high, Magnus brought his face down to press his forehead against Taako's. Both of them red from laughing and from the embarrassment of having Robbie interrupt them, they locked eyes blissfully. 

     "Happy birthday, Mags," Taako hummed adoringly as he tilted his face to lay a soft, passionate kiss to Magnus's lips. "I love you."

[Author's Note: Yo, Robbie is totally into BDSM and you can't convince me otherwise. Also, I know I sort of went off on a tangent in this one, but you get the idea!]