An angel in the shape of my Mum

Test Results

The doctor took a seat in front of us and pulled out a file filled with papers. He shuffled through a few of them before looking up at us. I sat on the edge of my chair waiting impatiently for him to speak. Time seemed to drag on, the silence filling my head louder than any scream I've ever heard. I need to hear those test results. I need to know my mum is going to be ok. Why was he taking so long to speak? Can't he just tell us the results now? Surely they can't be worse than this silence.

He finally opened his mouth to speak. "We have run some tests at the request of Dr Darcey who believed that you had cancer." He addressed my mother. I sat there looking impatient. I already knew this. I wanted to know the important stuff. Did my mum have cancer? Will she be ok? "We just received the test results and we can now confirm that you have ovarian cancer." There was a gasp from my mother who put her face in her hands. Lisa looked like she has seen a ghost and my father. My father looked worse than them all combined. He looked like, well he looked like a man who had just been told that the love of his life was going to die. 

The doctor gave us a minute to process before continuing on. "The cancer is quite developed. We believe it is stage 4 epithelial type cancer. The survival rate for cancer this developed is 17 percent and I recommend we start treatment as soon as possible to maximise survival chances." The doctor paused and looked at us. My head was pounding. He said stage 4. I knew that was bad even before he said the survival rates. Seventeen percent. That was low but my mum is a fighter. She can beat this. Together we will get through and be stronger than ever before. The doctor was still talking about treatment options with my mum but I couldn't here a word he was saying. All I could hear was my thoughts echoing around my head. What would it be like without a mum? No. I won't go there. Mum will live, she will be fine. I tried to stay positive but the unbidden thoughts about life without mum kept entering my head. Suddenly it hit me. I could lose my mother. 

That's when I lost it. I buried my head in my fathers shoulder and began to cry. I continued to cry as the doctor spoke to my mother. I dimly heard my mother asking questions in the soft, shaky voice she uses when she's upset. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to get out. Out of this room. Out of this hospital. Out of the place where they said my mother might die. 

I ran out without looking back never stopping until I reached the front door of my best friends house. In a medium town like this. Everything was in walking distance. I raised my fist and knocked on the door. I took a deep breath as the door opened and there stood James. As in my boyfriend James. At Kate's house.