An angel in the shape of my Mum

Life Sucks

I woke up the next morning, almost forgetting about what happened the previous day. For a moment I wondered wether it was all a dream. The fact that my mother had cancer felt surreal. I sat on the edge of my bed wondering whether I should even bother getting out of bed when my father came to my doorway. He looked like he been through hell and back. There were dark circles around his eyes and worry lines on his forehead but what hurt the most to look at was his eyes. They were eyes full of pain and desperation, the eyes of someone who had no hope of ever being happy again.

"Good morning," The corner of his lips lifted ever so slightly but it did nothing to take away the pain in his eyes. "I understand if you want to take a day off school today. I myself have to go to work so you and your mother would be home alone."

"I think I'll go to school today." I reply quickly not meeting his eyes. I wasn't ready to be alone with my mother yet. I don't think I could look at her and not burst into tears or scream. I needed to distract myself from this nightmare that was now my life. Dad gave me a small smile and nodded. "I'll drop you at school on the way to work then."
I sighed as I got out of bed and headed to the shower. I stood in the shower letting the water rush over me.

***
"Have a good day!" My fathers words sounded empty, like he was just going through routine and didn't believe a word he was saying. It almost seemed that he thought that if he just acted like everything was normal then it would all go away. I smiled at him as I out of the car, still not meeting his eyes. I couldn't bear to look at his eyes, see the pain that was in them. So I didn't.
As I neared the school gates I began to second guess my decision to come to school today. I shouldn't have come. At least if I was at home I could lock myself in my room and cry and no one would care. Here at school I had to pretend like everything was okay, like my whole world wasn't falling apart around me. Well it's to late now.

I reach my locker and numbly put in the code, not even registering the numbers I am putting in.
"Jess! How are you?" Kate asks her voice full of concern. I know she means well and all but I just found out my mum has cancer and she's asking me how I am. Are you serious? How does she think I am?  Oh hi Kate! I am doing great thanks!  How are you?

Rather than voicing these thoughts aloud I turn to her and shrug. "I have been better." Then came the awkward silence. Both her and James were standing there completely at loss of what to say to a girl with a sick mother.
"You guys don't have to walk on eggshells around me." I laugh awkwardly. "And besides my mother's going to be fine. You'll see. In a few moths she'll be back doing as good as she was before all this."

James smiled at me. "That's one of the things I love about you. How optimistic you are. Everyone could use a bit of your optimism every now and then."

The bell rings and we all head off to class. I see that I have French first. Great. I'm not sure how well I'll be able to French.

***
Surprisingly the rest of the day went great. The schoolwork was a welcome distraction despite my thinking that I would not be able to concentrate. If I am being honest, the end of the day came too quickly because now I will have to go home and face a reality I don't want to face. One where my mother could possibly be dying.

***
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