An angel in the shape of my Mum

It's not what it looks like.

James. What was James doing at my best friends house, alone and looking guilty. I looked up at him confused. "James? What are you doing here?" 

James looked uncomfortable and glanced over his shoulder before replying, "I was studying with Kate for the uh psychology sac..." I looked at him considering what he was saying for a moment before realising something,

"Neither of you take psychology."  His mouth forms a silent 'O' upon realising his mistake. "If you weren't studying with Kate then what were you doing at her house? The only reason you and Kate ever hang out is because of me, without me you would be at her house?" Of course my mind was jumping to all the worst conclusions and one questions was repeating itself around my head. Was James cheating on me with my best friend? I know this all sounds so cliche but you still can't help but wonder. James and Kate obviously have to get along  but to what extent were they getting along... 

Just then Kate came down the stairs saying , "So James I was thinking we could order pizza and continue this after we eat. Does that sound ok to you?" She looks up and see me standing in the doorway with James looking at me awkwardly. "Shoot. Jess, It's not what it looks like I promise. Nothing happened." I look at her with a disbelieving look on my face. 

"Well, if nothing happened then what were you doing?" Kate look slightly uncomfortable, raising my suspicions even more. 

"I-we were just studying?" She said uncertainly. 

I scoffed. Like that lie was going to work. After all, James had just tried to do the exact same thing. "Just tell me the truth. What were the two of you doing?"

Kate looked over at James uncertainly and raised her eyebrows as if to ask 'Is it okay?' James shrugged and gestured for me to follow him. James leads the way to Kate's bedroom with me and Kate following him and Kate sending me nervous looks the whole way as if she was afraid I was going to kill them. And I mean if they had cheated I probably would kill them. I mean with everything that was now happening with my mum the last thing I need is a cheating boyfriend.

Once we were in Kates bedroom James points to her desk. "There," he says, "That there is what we have been doing" 

I walk over to the desk and pick up the notebook that was lying there. The heading on the page read 'Jess's Surprise Birthday Party!!'  Suddenly I felt really guilty for not trusting them. I slowly put the notebook down and turn to look at the both of them slightly sheepishly. I raise my eyes to meet their uncertain ones. "I'm sorry. I guess I should have trusted you a little more. I mean you have been my best friend for like ever, Kate but in my defence it did look bad. I mean you were alone and both of you lied about what you were doing."

"I know how it looked but I am slightly disappointed that you didn't trust me and immediately jumped to the worst possible conclusion." Kate looked at me meaningfully. I shrug my shoulders with small guilty smile.  Kate walks over to me and gives me a tight hug and over her shoulder I see James looking slightly uncomfortable. I laugh and gesture for him to come over and join in the group hug.

***

Kate, James and I were all in Kates bedroom sitting on her bed slightly awkwardly. I had my head in James' lap and my legs in Kate's. James was stroking my hair softly and I was lying there thinking about my mum and what I had just been told and wondering how I could bring this up with Kate and James. I mean parents dying isn't something you would bring up in a normal conversation. I would be slightly worried if it was. 

I was debating whether it would be better to just blurt it out now so fast that they probably wouldn't catch half of what I saying or if I should wait until death casually comes up in conversation and then be like 'Oh, speaking of death, my Mother is dying of cancer by the way.' Yeah. The latter was probably not the best idea I've had. 

 I was building up the courage to tell them what was going on when Kate interrupted my thoughts, "Hey Jess, why did you even come over to my house in the first place anyway? I know it wasn't just to catch James at my house so what did you come for?"

"Yeah, and you looked kinda a mess when I opened the door. Is everything okay?" James added.

"Well..you see, It's about my mum. She...well....she," I struggled to find the right words before deciding to just come out with it. "My mum just got diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer."

My best friend and boyfriend look at me in complete and utter shock. "What? You're kidding, right?" Kate looked at me and when I shook my head, her face fell as she lent down to hug me. "I'm so sorry Jess. Is there anything I..we," She said gesturing to James and herself, "can do?"

"Not really. Just listening when I need someone to rant is all I need at the moment."

"Well if you need that or anything else. I'm here."

"Thanks Kate." I looked up at James who hadn't said a word since my outburst. He looked like he was in complete shock. Finally he spoke, "Your mum has cancer?'

"Yes."

He sat there in complete silence again and looked at me with something that looked like a cross between pity and fear. I don't really know why he'd be afraid. Maybe he was afraid for my mother. We sat there in silence for little while longer before our thoughts were interrupted by the ding of my phone. I picked up and read a message from dad saying, 'Hey sweetie, I'm assuming that you are at Kate's. Just letting you know that I will be by to pick you up in 5. Please be ready. Love you lots Dad. P.s Everything is going to be ok. xx'  I look back up at Kate and James and try to give them a smile, "I have to go now. I guess I'll see you later." They look at me and attempt to smile in return. It was a pathetic attempt. I give them both a hug and head downstairs. 

I head outside to wait for Dad. I didn't have to wait that long for him. The car ride home was a silent one. No one said a word. Once we got home I hug Dad and Mum and head upstairs to go to bed.

***