What About Loyalty ?

Chapter 3 : You were selfish.

I need you, and you're in no place to share me back this feeling, hoped you could.
I hope you'd be next to me in this closed dark room ,where long time no see a smile except my mum's, that smile covered by something she called sweat but I called it hidden fallen tears,she's always like '' at least let me call Aliyes, you don't need to pretend being strong and you're going to get well soon, so he'd be with you when you'll get out of the hospital".
She never faced and won't face the UGLY truth that her son is dying and to be more precised soon to be dead.
You remember that bad stomach I used to have and you complaining as an old man asking me to see a doctor and me as always being a stubborn avoiding it? Well that was me consuming every single dose of you before I leave and it could be forever.
You were a senior, getting a scholarship to your dream's university, the way you were happy about it made me more sad, cause I always wanted to be in the front row clapping, shouting your name and jumping all over the place when you'll get your graduation diploma.
I even planed for the damn party, Oh God! you can't imagine how I imagined it, you'd make a perfect couple you and your Sally LoL.
You think that I'm such a selfish disloyal person and I understand I really do, but I prefer to be bitten by the loneliness and the pain than to share it with you especially when your life your future is getting better and more bright now.
I'm sorry but I'd never forgive myself for destroying or just the idea of unbalancing your life, I really can't.
I've chosen to take this path and this journey alone by myself, I've never showed you the depressed negative side of me lol I'm such a pussy when it comes to kind a situations, I want you to keep that good positive picture of me, although you were the only one who saw the good in me.
I'm not writing to you asking for forgiveness, I'm asking not to forget about me, I always wanted to call you, you don't know how much I miss your voice but I never got that brave to do it.
By this time you'd be preparing for your graduation speech which gonna be boring AF cause there's no Yonnas to cheer it up, I may not be able to attend it but I got you a gift dummy, a good expensive one, it took me all the summer to afforded it though! So in case I won't make it. I asked my mom to give it to you.
So yeah that was me talking to much but that's the last thing that I could do for you.
So... Never forget me and don't you dare to get a new bbf after me, cause guess what?! I'll be watching you from above bit**.
I love you.
Yonnas