Im anti jaebum

Juu nana

"I love you"

i love you..

i love

i

i dont

i dont love

i dont love you.

Youngjae's mind echoed in every little silence that had showed itself. Almost a month of that torture and he was finally free. Matthew was finally gone but no he wasn't. He was still right there, in the mirror standing right behind him. He was also right there when he closed his eyes and in the locker room when he was the last to get out of the pool and when he was the only one in the gym at 3 am and was there in his thought and-- the touch of matthew still lingered on him as if his hands were still on him. On his thigh. Around his neck. In his hair. On his lips and on his back. For so long he thought jaebum had died. How do you mentally cope with all this? Seeing someone get shot right in front of you? Being tortured and almost raped for over a month? Seeing someone you thought died come running after you? The more he thought the more his head began to hurt. He lied there in jaebum's bed and looked up at the ceiling. His eyes drifted over to his clock where it blinked '1:31' Youngjae groaned and got up, putting a hoodie on and walking into the kitchen only to jump back at the broad figure in the kitchen. "J-Jesus jaebum... You scared me. Jaebum turned to the younger and smiled sadly as he took a big sip of some sort of liquid, most likely hot chocolate."Sorry... Couldn't sleep?" The swimmer nods softly and walks into the kitchen as he goes and grabs a cup. Jaebum reaches out to try and touch youngjae but he can tell that the boy was panicking when he did so, so he just pulled away. "Youngjae... are you okay?" Youngjae's head shot up at the question and looked around nervously as if he expected someone to come and start beating him if he opened his mouth. "You're safe now youngjae. Matthew is gone." Oh but he wasn't gone. He was still very much here and youngjae knew that better than anyone. But as much as he wanted to keep it all to himself, as much as he didn't want to burden people with his problems something inside knew that the only person he would be able to count on.... would be Jaebum. "No.... I'm not okay hyung. I don't say anything but every time i get touched by one of our friends or a team member, i wait till they all leave to break down and start crying. I get so scared that they're going to hurt me just like M-Matthew did. Every time i try to sleep i see his face snarling right in front of me and i wake up... I go to the gym and work out to make me tired but then i see him in the mirror standing over by the weights... where he used to work out. He's in everything i see and i can't get him out of my head. Every touch gets me into a panic attack, every waking, thinking, breathing, living moment is just how i should just... burn. Then i think of burn and i smell my own burning flesh from the brand he put on me....I'm no longer free. I'm always going to belong to him and i just i can't do this anymore jaebum i can't! I can't breathe i can't breathe, I CAN'T BREATHE--" Youngjae's eyes widened and the cup fell to the ground, breaking into millions of pieces as scalding hot chocolate all over the place. His tears were overflowing and flooding his vision as he sank down and covered his ears with his hands. The sharp pain and burning sensation got flooded out by his screams and sobs. Jaebum stared at him for a fraction of a second before going over to pick up youngjae and moving him to the couch, hugging him as tight as possible. He ran back to get the medical equipment and began to carefully take out the pieces of glass in youngjae's leg. Once it was all out, he moved youngjae to the bathroom got the bath ready, making it warm enough to have him calm down. He stripped youngjae down and slowly put him in the warm water. The look in the younger's eyes was absolutely horrifying. He seemed empty. Gone. Like his old self had been killed so that a new one could replace him. And jaebum didn't like this new youngjae. Not for a bad reason of course but... just seeing him so scarred and damaged... it hurt jaebum to his core and he sat there for a month doing nothing when he could've done something before the pain got bad. "Y-you left me...." Jaebum snapped out of his thoughts as he turned towards youngjae. "what?" youngjae blinked blankly and immediately jaebum knew this wasn't going to be good. "That day.... in senior year... You just left me standing there after you beat up some kid who was trying to force himself on me.... Without a word." Jaebum looked at youngjae worriedly and grabbed a cup to scoop up water in order to wash his hair. "Yeah.. i know." Youngjae blinked and facial expression slowly went from blank to angry. "Wait but why are you here? Why are you taking care of me i hate you!" Jaebum was taken back at the sudden change in the younger. Suddenly it clicked and he looked down silently. "Youngjae what's the last thing you remember?" The swimmer looked puzzled at his captain but closed his eyes and tried to recall everything that happened. "I-I just remember mark catching me when i almost fell when i was chasing you.. He saved me." Youngjae looked down and at the water and felt a pair of hands massage his scalp. He closed his eyes and hummed softly. "Do you think mark hyung likes me?" There in that moment, there was no greater heartbreak than what jaebum had just experienced. "Why? Do you like him?" His voice was dry and bleak. "Yeah a little... but i don't know... something doesn't feel right about it.." Jaebum looked at him as he continued to massage shampoo into his scalp. "What do you mean?" youngjae laid back against the tub and sighed softly. "It just doesn't feel.... never mind. It's nothing." The captain scooped a cup full of water and rinsed out the shampoo, doing this a couple more times before moving onto the shampoo. "Okay... Tomorrow after practice we're going to see your doctor." The swimmer didn't appose to the idea. He knew he had to go now that he had cuts in his knees. Jaebum was bringing him in for a different reason. Once they were done, he dressed youngjae again and put him back to bed, tucking him in and leaving. "Wait jaebum.." Youngjae said softly. "Can you.. can you sleep with me tonight?" Jaebum had a sad smile plastered on his face as he nodded and and walked over to the bed. "Just like high school remember?" Jaebum chuckled before petting youngjae's hair gently. "Yeah.. just like high school."