𝕆𝕡𝕡𝕠𝕤𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕤 | 𝐒𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤

I need help...

After my fresh make over by Madam Pomfrey, I was all done up and looked good as new. Sirius tried to talk to me again before I left but I leapt out that room faster than a seeker looking for the snitch. My head was swimming with unresolved emotions, so many things I had put away and refused to face. I was suppose to find Jack and go for a study date but my legs took me else where.

I found the room of a requirements without even realising that I needed. I stared at the big door, my eyes glazing with water and my breath uneven. I pushed the door slightly with my foot, the sound of the creak making me jump a little. I poked my head around the door and felt my heart mellow when I saw a black shiny piano in the corner of the room.

"Oh dad" I sniffed, being drawn to it, my feet taking me once again. I would think of my father from then on whenever I saw a piano. I hope that one day the pain wouldn't associate with it. I trailed my fingers across the naked keys as soon as I reached the fine instrument. One thing I remembered from my childhood is that whenever I was angry, upset or couldn't quite clear my head I would get my feelings out on the instrument.... I found myself now in that same predicament. I was already playing, my confusion, anger and frustration translated into my playing, getting more and more aggressive as I played. I thought it Dad, and how he wouldn't get to see me play ever again, I thought of Jack, who has been nothing but sweet to me yet I'm struggling to come to grips with our relationship and I thought of Sirius and how our friendship could have me killed or worse my mother but every day he seems to be showing me something new about him and I'm intrigued... hell, I'm fascinated, maybe even becoming obsessed.

Sadly, after today's incident... I wanted to drift away... I never asked to be what I am and I'm punished for it because someone thinks it's wrong. I stopped playing and sobbed against the keys. I made some decisions after what felt like hours but it didn't matter how long it took, I finally made some choices

It's a week before Christmas and I promised my father I would perform in the little church down the road, hosting the annual piano contest for Christmas. I'm gonna do for him. For his memory to live on and to get closure. As for Jack and Sirius, I will still stuck for thought. Perhaps I needed the girls help on this one... or maybe someone else.

- - - // - - -

"Hey! Where were you!" The familiar voice hollered after me, my ears tingling at the sound of him. It felt like forever but it was only a mere day... a day where I was unsure if I wanted to see him again.

"Jack!" I breathed out, a slight chuckle. He didn't look amused however. With a frown, he folded his arms and titled his head.

"I know that things are... difficult to put correctly but you really are acting a little odd..." he sighed, running a hand through his hair... just like...

"I.. uh, I'm sorry, I had a challenging morning. Let's try again tomorrow but right now I really have to see.. uh.. Professor McGongall about my essay that needed improving" my first lie to him. I wanted to talk to the girls... I needed too before my head pops. He nodded, lifting my chin and pressing his sweet kind lips. It didn't feel like our usual kiss. It was almost as if he knew I wasn't telling the truth bu went along with it.
One thing about Jack that I'll never take for granted; he's never ever done anything wrong or has every been awful to me...

I found Lily and Marlene in the bathroom, washing their hands before class. I flopped against the door frame and looked at them desperately

"I need help" I pouted, rubbing my eyes like a tired child. "Marlene, don't take this in a bad way; you have a lot of experience with boys. I think you're going to be the expert in this case"

- - - // - - -

"So easy" she shook her head. We were all in our shared dorm, sitting around the centre radiator and taking in turns about... well my troubles.

"I'm such a twat thinking that you and Black didn't make sense, dear lord he is literally the only thing that's been keeping you sane! I don't know how I didn't see it before. You always calmed down whenever he stepped in the room, that and he's the only one that knew about your dad... he's more put together than I imagined..." Alice mused, her babbles filling the cosy Christmas decorated dorm.

"Jack is stupid perfect but Alice is right. Even when I was acting all psycho with him, he was extremely different with you and we didn't even know about your friendship then. We thought it was the fighting..." Marlene nodded with Alice.

"Babe... on the train up here you told me about it all then admitted you liked him. It didn't stop when Mars was with him but it's stopped because you SUDDENLY got with sexy brains... nah, don't believe it. I think Jack is just your wall to hid behind. What do you two even talk about!?" Lily jumped in.

"Well, homework, uh... you guys, school, homework- wait no I said that, hang on.." I bit my lip, folding my hands into my lap.

"Point proven. You only talk about school. What kind of relationship is that! That just sounds like tutoring with benefits... if there is such a thing" Alice wrinkled her nose.

"You were right though Ali... it's dangerous with Sirius" I didn't tell them, I never got around to it due to fear of judgement, 'I told you so's' and panic.

"What happened Green?" Marlene leaned closer, trying to trap me in eye contact

"Word got out after the match. I was backed into a corner this morning and beaten the shit out of by his cousin." I didn't look at them, I kept my eyes fixed on the snow falling outside.

"We haven't been friends long, but I'll make it my person mission to slaughter Bellatrix" Marlene hissed. I smiled at her casual use of the word friend falling from her lips. It was new and I was growing to appreciate it.

"So you're avoiding him because of that..." I never in my life expected those words to come out of my best friends mouth. In surprise, we all looked at Lily as if she had gone mad.
"Sweetheart. A war is starting. Yes, you need to protect your self and your mother. That's so important but we also have bigger fish to fry and we've just got to fight with everything we have! When we leave we've only got each other to protect ourselves. Love who you want to love, James is a pain in my ass but I can't live with out that pain beside me." She gave one heck of a speech which only lead to us getting all gooey and mushy at her about James.

Things weren't any clear, but perhaps over Christmas it would arrange its self.