Letters To You

She's Beside Me

I can't eat because she's right beside me talking about you so I'm writing to you instead. I don't know what to do with these thoughts and they're choking me. I can't breathe without thinking of you. I'm crazy. You're driving me crazy.

The other day you asked me how I'm doing and I still haven't replied, I don't know what to say and I don't know if I'm falling back into my depression or if it's all because of you. These emotions rise up in my chest every time I think about you and they suffocate me, but when I'm not thinking about you I just feel sad.

Let's face it, I'm never not thinking about you. And I don't know how to change that. I feel like a lovesick puppy and I hate it. I hate that I can barely smile at one of my good friends because I envy her so much. I hate that I can't tell anyone because they wouldn't understand. They would think I'm just being dramatic, that I need to get over you, that I should be happy for you. And I know it's true. But I can't. And I hate that most of all.