Letters To You

Or Not

So you broke up with her. I can't say I'm too upset about it, and you both seem fine so I don't have to worry about being a terrible person. Let's face it, we all saw it coming. You're heading to University, you both have different goals and different ideas.

As soon as you broke up with her you asked to hang out with me and started texting me a bunch. Call me crazy but I don't know how to respond.

I know, I know, I wanted you to do this. I wanted to be your number one girl again. But you still aren't being clear about what type of relationship you want us to have and I don't want to just be your rebound. Plus I must be psychologically damaged or just insane, because I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship with you. You're a pretty good friend and it's really fun to crush on you but as it turns out (surprise surprise) I'm not good at handling relationships. You can blame anyone you want to for that, my dad or some random person, but I think it's just a flaw.

As it turns out, I have many flaws. But so do you. And I'm not sure if our relationship would fix our flaws or enhance them. I don't trust men. You flirted with multiple people during your last relationship. I can see issues already.

Not that I'm saying I don't like you. Maybe it's a bit more confusing than that. But it doesn't matter because you're heading to University soon and I'm not interested in a short-term relationship.

Wow. So it's not really complicated, is it? After all the time I spent pining after you, I'm not interested. Or am I? Perhaps I just enjoy a challenge and you're not much of a challenge anymore. Maybe one-sided love doesn't require trust or comfort and this does. Maybe I just need a bit of time to think this through, but by then you'll be long gone.

This is too confusing. This letter was supposed to help me figure everything out but it doesn't seem to be working. I also lost any poetic talent as I wrote so this letter is nothing fancy. But it's still addressed to you, and I'm not taking back anything I said in previous letters. There is still a piece of my heart engraved with your name and I don't anticipate that changing. So maybe I have a bit of poetry left in me. Maybe I have a bit of love left in me.

I won't make up my mind just yet.