broken crayons

gold

p r e s e n t

it's too dark, and the tears are blurring my vision but i still haven't stopped running. i don't want to lose you. i just don't want to lose you.

i keep moving.

as i reach the end of the road, i see something. someone.

i run over to the confused walk of the figure now so familiar to me.
you don't see me.

as i walk closer to you, i wonder if you were trying to run away from the house. from me.

but then i hear you. screaming my name, looking out for me. and i suddenly hate myself for leaving you alone this morning.

this is the first time you said my name. and even though the syllables are mixed up and the sound is so unclear, i swear, no one has called out to me in a way more beautiful than this.

and it somehow feels like home at last.

you hear me approaching, and as you turn to look at me, it feels like time stops when we meet eyes.

i think i see something in your eyes. something i won't yet dare to call love. but it's beautiful.

walking towards you, i keep on apologizing over and over again, just like the first day.

and i think of how you hit, hit and hit me that day when i tried to hug you.

but today, i don't care.

i take you in my arms and hold you tight. i feel your cheek against mine, we both have been crying rivers. i let yours mix with mine.

i hold you like i should've held ma.

and wait for you to start slapping like you always do.

i hold you, and wait.

and for the first time, you let me.

you don't cry,
or scream,
or hit.

you just stand there, letting me hold you.
and somehow, that was everything.

and it's not like it was something too special.
not like spring had suddenly arrived.
but i swear, standing there with you in my arms in the middle of the night,
i just witnessed the first flower blooming.