Stepbrothers

Chapter Thirty - Jump

Chapter Thirty - Jump

«Adam»

"You want me to apologies to him?" I yelled, my voice drenched with anger and pain.

"Adam, you really hurt Cam. You broke his nose in two places and busted his lip open. He needed stiches, Adam, stiches."

I stared at him, everything in me darting around in panic. Everything hurt, my heart, my lungs, my legs. Jace is my boyfriend. I like Jace. Jace likes me.

I love Jace.

Jace doesn't love me.

Jace loves Cam.

"Am I your first boyfriend?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper as I looked at him.

"Adam, this has nothing to do with--"

"Just answer," I ordered, no longer willing to run. No longer messing around with jokes or small insults. I needed to face this, I needed to know.

Was I nothing to him?

"Yes, you are," he lied, almost rolling his eyes at me.

I felt a pain I had never felt before. A pain my father had never given me. A pain my mother has never been able to beat into me.

A pain that made my heart squeeze, my eyes fill with tears of pained love, my throat close with disappointment in myself. The thought that was in my mind was what was wrong with me? What had I done not to be loved by this person? What was wrong with me?

But I knew, if I were to talk to Tony right now, he would tell me that nothing was wrong with me. He would tell me it wasn't my fault. He would grab my hands to get my attention, his warmth spreading through me, and he would tell me it's was okay.

Thinking of Tony made me okay.

Thinking of Tony brought a thought to my mind.

How do I feel about Tony?

"Adam?" Jace asked and I realized I hadn't talked for awhile.

"I'm not apologizing," I said, and Jace looked at me in surprise. I took a deep breath trying to control my emotions. "I'm disappointed that you would even come up to me asking me to."

"You should be thankful he doesn't press charges Adam! What you did was a serious crime! Don't you understand?" Jace yelled, defending someone who wasn't even with us. Someone who hurt me.

"Don't you understand I spent the night crying? Don't you understand I was screaming your name in that closet? Don't you understand how much it hurts me to know you care more about him than me?" I asked, gripping one of my arms. I was having a hard time keeping myself from crying, my body already trembling from the over flowing dam of emotions about to break.

"He didn't know you would act like that, it was a bad prank," Jace said, continuing to defend him.

"I didn't know you cared about Cam more than me. I guess my feelings are a bad joke," I said in turn, a weight on my back so heavy I was surprised I wasn't falling onto my knees under the pressure.

"He's my best friend!" He screamed at me, his frustration finally boiling out.

"And I'm your boyfriend!" I yelled back, a tear falling down my face despite my protests.

"What do you want me to do? Pick between you and Cam?" Anger poured from every word, a hint of hate stabbing me.

I took a deep breath, calming myself down so I wouldn't scream back at him. "I want you to be carful with responding to my feelings with another guy's name again."

Jace clenched his jaw. "What are you trying to say?"

"I'm trying to say I love you, but it's hurting me so much. I'm started to not want to, Jace, and you're the one doing it."

"Wait, you--"

"You don't love me," I interrupted him, making him snap his mouth shut. "Jace," my voice broke, tears falling down my eyes as I spoke the truth, "you don't love me."

"That's not true!" Jace yelled, desperation in his voice as he grabbed me pulling us together. "Adam, I love you!"

I knew it wasn't true. Yes, there was love, so much, as much as I had for him.

But the puzzle pieces didn't fit.

Our loves were not our love.

They were separate.

We were separate and soon I knew, we would no longer be together.

"I love you," he repeated, leaning down and kissing me, deep and full. I kissed him back, accepting his desperation to feel the spark that wasn't there. The desperation for Jace and I to be us.

I gave this same desperation, but also the relief of being freed. Being with him hurt, more than I ever thought I could be hurt.

And as I felt not only my tears, I knew Jace could feel this. Jace could feel the end approaching as fast as I could.

And soon enough, we would be at the edge of a cliff, with no choice but to have one of us jump.