Note To Self: Do Not Commit Suicide [On Hold]

Note To Self: Do Not Commit Suicide [1]

Chapter 1

               I cried myself to sleep every night; wishing that the next day would be better than the day before. The tears that I shed no longer mean anything as I know that the next day will be worse no matter hard I wish. I've reached a point in life where there is no point in wishing anymore.

               My parents died in a car crash when I was six years old. Even though when they died I was young, I still remember the wretchedness of their horrific death. It was a miracle that I even survived, everyone said so. They called me the "miracle child" but I didn't believe them. Why was it miraculous that I survived when my parents didn't? I should have died with them. Afterall, it was my fault that they died. It was my fault that they never got the chance to live the life that they were supposed to. It was my fault that they would never be able to breathe ever again. I would never forgive myself for being the cause of their death.

                Whenever I went to sleep, I dreamed about their death. Actually I wouldn't consider it to be a dream but a terrible, neverending nightmare that tormented me growing up. Now, I was used to it. As I lay on my bed, the tears naturally poured down onto my face. Ignoring the pain, I closed my eyes and drifted into a deep sleep.

               We were in the car driving on a deserted road, on our way to a country house that my grandparents used to own before they passed away. Unsurprisingly, we were lost despite the fact that we've visited the house numerous times before. My father was driving, my mother was in the passenger seat and I was sitting in the back staring out of the window boredly. We've been lost for a few hours and it was nearly midnight. It was dark outside although the stars and the full moon shone brightly.

               "Mummy! I'm hungry," I cried in my whining voice.

               "Sweetie, please just wait and be quite, we'll find some place to eat soon," my mother said, trying to reason with me but I was a stubborn child.

               "No, I want food now!" I shouted loudly.

               "Susan, please calm Chantelle down," my father begged, "I need to concentrate on where we are going. She's giving me a headache."

               "Phil, for Heaven's sake just admit it. You have no idea where we are going, as usual," my mother argued with my father. I hated when they quarrelled because in the end, one of them always got hurt. I started to cry. "Oh great, now she's crying," she complained.

               "This is all your fault, your fault that we're lost," my father snapped in an angry tone.

               "You always blame everything on me."

               I cried even louder. I cried so much that my eyes and throat started to hurt badly. I cried and cried but there was no one to fix my sorrows. My parents were arguing much louder and soon began yelling at each other over my crying.

               My parents didn't even realise that there was a massive truck driving straight towards us. I screamed at them, but they were too busy shouting at each other to notice. The truck's headlight was shining so brightly that it bought pain to my sensitive eyes.

               The pain was too much for me to handle. I blacked out and I woke up from my nightmare.