Note To Self: Do Not Commit Suicide [On Hold]

Note To Self: Do Not Commit Suicide [4]

Chapter 4

[This chapter is in process of editing.]

               I woke up once again, awaking from the nightmare that would haunt me for the rest of my treacherous life. The sadness that I was feeling was too overwhelming. Seeing my parents made me remember what I did to them. The pain that I caused was not only to them but also to myself. Tears fell down my face and there was nothing that I could do to stop them. I wiped them away with my pajama sleeve but more poured down. I sniffed and rubbed my sore, red nose.

               There was no way that I'd be able to get back to sleep. It was 3:08am, much earlier than usual. The house was dead silent because everyone was sleeping peacefully. Jamie has yet to wake up. Carelessly, I made my bed and sat on it with my homework sprawed across. This might take me a few hours because I had a lot of catching up to do.

               Once I finished doing all of my homework it was 5:00am which meant that Jamie would be waking up soon. Right on cue, Jamie's cries filled the house. Sighing, I shoved my school books into a random bag. I no longer cared about which bag I used because in the end they would all get ruined. Once I was finished the task, I decided to get changed for school. The weather wasn't as cold as yesterday which I was thankful for. I opted for a black dress, black stockings and a black blazer which I rolled the sleeves of so they were just below my elbow. The darkness of the clothes contrasted my pale skin nicely.

               I got my favourite necklace from my jewelry box which belonged to my mother. Inside was all of her jewelry which was given to me when she died. The box was very expensive but not as expensive as the contents.

The necklace was given to me last year for my 17th birthday. Michelle and Gabe gave it to me. It was a long necklace with a beautiful cross. I wasn't religious or anything but I still loved it. My hair was an absolute mess so I decided to tie my hair in a high messy bun.

I left my room and closed the door quietly, so I wouldn't wake anyone up. I checked the driveway and Gabe's car had already left. He went to work early today but he was never gone this early. I felt sorry for him. He worked long hours, crappy pay and he hardly spends any time at home with his family. However if he didn't have his job then we would all be on the streets. Michelle, Jamie and I are very thankful of him.

My stomach rumbled, indicating that I was hungry. I decided to make a massive breakfast. The idea of thinking about food made me even hungrier. I made pancakes, waffles, cereal and hash browns... yum. I ate the pancakes with whipped cream, choc chip and lots of maple syrup. As you could probably tell, I eat a lot when I'm upset. I don't know why but I just do. Although I never gain any weight from it, maybe it's from the lack of sleep.

I glanced at the clock. Shit, I was gonna miss the bus. Sadly I didn't have time to finish my breakfast. I was only able to eat half of the pancakes which sucked because I make awesome pancakes. I got a note and wrote:

Michelle, I made breakfast but I didn't have enough time to eat it all so you can have some. Eat all of it because there are two of you to feed! Tell Jamie I said bye.  

Love you, Chantie. 

P.S I'll try to ask Dave to come over. Don't get your hopes up.

I underlined 'try' multiple times and added a few hearts next to my name. I popped the note on the fridge so she would be able to see it.

I quickly put on my black chucks. Before I left I remembered to bring my phone. I chucked it into the blazer pocket and left the house.

I couldn't even see the sun; it was covered by the dark gloomy clouds. The darkness of winter had arrived. I walked to the bus stop, all moody. The first person I saw was Dave.