Trigger Warning>>misgendering, intense shocks, alluding to anorexia and bulimia
"It’s Miylah." I told Jeremy. He shook his head.
"What the hell are you talking about? You’ve hated that name since we were six." I sighed. Jeremy was right. I told him I hated being… Miylah when we were in first grade. He was the one who gave me the name Michael.
'Miylah, repeat after me. I was just a stupid kid. I tried too hard to be special. But now… I realise that this is me. I am Miylah, not Michael. And… a true friend would accept that.'
"Jeremiah. I was a stupid kid. With my parents gone all the time, I wanted to be noticed. To be special. I said I was Michael, because I wanted attention. But, now that I’ve grown up… I realized this is me. I’m Miylah, not Michael. A true friend… would accept that." I said, speaking somewhat independently of the S.Q.U.I.P. Alot of what I had said, was true. My parents were always on trips, leaving me with different teenagers I didn’t know for weeks at a time. I did want attention. But that’s not why I was Michael… I actually did feel like a guy…
'Miylah, stop.' The S.Q.U.I.P said to me with a harsh shock. 'You are not Michael. You are a girl.'
"Is… is this really what you want?" Jeremy asked me, concern flooding his face, I smiled softly and nodded. I tugged at my baggy, pale red shirt nervously and looked up at him. He ran a hand through his wavy, brown and dirty blonde hair, muttering softly to himself. His face was flushed. He was obviously nervous. But why? Did I do something? No, he’s my best friend. He wouldn’t leave my side for something like this. I’m still the same person! But… he did leave my side before… no, that was his S.Q.U.I.P. Not my Jeremy. Damn it, why did I get the S.Q.U.I.P even after everything that happened before? I’m such a fucking idiot! "Okay… Miylah. If this is who you are… then I still accept you. You’re my best friend, no matter what. We’re still on for gaming of Fridays, right?" Jeremy asked with a small, nervous smile. I nodded vigorously, even as I felt a shock up my back.
"Of course dude!" I said as Jake came up to me, wrapping his arms around me and resting his chin on my head.
"Is Heere bothering you, baby?" He asked, malice in his voice directed at my best friend. I shook my head, the S.Q.U.I.P forcing me to lean into his arms.
"Not at all, honey. I was just explaining my transition to him." I looked up, planting a soft kiss on his chin as I nuzzled into his chest. I hated this. Jake was tall, about the same height as Jeremy, but he had more muscle. He would be pushy, insisting that he was the best person for you. Jeremy was… well, Jeremy. He was a little stick that loved to be cuddled, but he knew when you needed to be cuddled instead, holding you to his chest protectively as you cried into his shoulder, from anything from Gabe the Dog dying to having a fight with your parents once they finally came home, coming out as transgender. He would rub soft circles on your back, letting you rant or cry for hours until you had nothing left in you. You were always his first priority. I was always his first priority. I am in love with a certain Jeremiah Benjamin Heere.
*****
Classes were… difficult to say the least. Jeremy sat next to me in every one we had together, and I could feel him constantly staring… judging… it wasn’t nice. I wanted him to stop, but I knew he was just concerned. I wanted to tell him what was going on, but I couldn’t even if I tried. The S.Q.U.I.P would never let me.
"Jeremiah Heere, could you please stop looking at Michael and pay attention in class?" Our teacher called him our.
'Correct him.'
