A Thousand Purple Stars (JinJi)

Business as Usual

Fuck. This wasn't supposed to happen.

Jisoo was sitting in on a meeting with Dara and Julie later in the week as they were once again discussing options for the introductory short feature, which traditionally always came from an internal writer. Jisoo was scribbling onto a notepad, mindlessly jotting down keywords, but she wasn't really there.

She was far away in her head, which in turn was still back in the weekend, thinking about the publication party. And more specifically thinking about Jinyoung. And even more specifically thinking about the kiss.

Which happened to be her first one. Ever.

The memory of it was still on her lips. When the party was over and Jinyoung brought her back home, she went to bed with butterflies in her stomach, heart fluttering, and skin burning. She didn't sleep a wink. She showed up at work exhausted.

Everything was going to be so much more complicated now.

Mentally, she scoffed at herself. Who the hell develops feelings for the first guy who kisses her? That's like trying to cast a movie and giving the lead role to the first actor to walk through the door and not even letting the other 500 actors audition.

Every time Jisoo thought about what could be happening in her heart, a voice in her head talked over her and reminded her why she was an idiot for letting herself think that way:

He kissed me.

It was fake. Julie Kiyoko was watching.

He kissed me.

You're paying him $200.

He kissed me.

It's a business deal, Jisoo! Get your head on straight or you'll get hurt!

He kissed me.

He's Jinyoung! You know, that boy you hated up until about a month ago?

But I didn't hate him.

Jisoo stopped scribbling notes and stared down at her hands. She was annoyed by Jinyoung. She was intimidated by him. She sometimes felt sorry for him. She was irritated by him. She was jealous of him.

But the truth was, she never hated him. Not even back then. Not even a little bit. But it begged the question yet again: if she didn't hate him, then what did she call these strong feelings she had for him?

Not love. Despite her inexperience, she knew that it was much too early for that. But she couldn't help but think that between the kiss, the dance, the hug, the time he defended her from that jerk, and all the shy looks and the little touches and the endless amount of bantering, that there was something there. Something that could just be a business deal.

"Jisoo?" said Julie Kiyoko, taking her out of her stupor. Jisoo sat upright.

"Yes?" she said. Dara was crossing her arms and looking at her while Julie leaned forward on her elbows.

"I said, do you have any ideas for the short feature?"

If Julie had asked her this question at a time when she wasn't thinking about Jinyoung, Jisoo might have excitedly started rambling off about all the ideas she had for a short feature. But she was too distracted. The ideas came to her too slowly. Dara cut in before she could answer.

"Julie, secretaries don't write short features," Dara said. "We've plenty of staff to do this. I've been coordinating with Jessica and Chaelin. They've been with us longer—"

"I know they have, and I appreciate them a lot," Julie said. "But I really want to go with a fresher, nostalgic concept for the summer issue."

Jisoo wished she could be more present in the conversation. But she had problems of her own. When the meeting ended, Jisoo returned to her desk and just sat there, tense and rigid. She looked over at the envelope she'd hidden under her keyboard. Inside it was $200 in cash. Her first paycheck came in over the weekend, and she had not forgotten the amount that she and Jinyoung had agreed on. That was all before the kiss, of course. Before all these thoughts about uncertainties and possibilities started to plague her.