The Marshall Boy

Thirty

Thirty
Jessica
A Year Earlier...

I suck in a deep breath as I raise my fist to knock on the polished door. I used to take the elevator up to the loft, but that's reserved for people who live there; you have to have a key to do that. I grip the bottle in my hand, as I adjust the dress I'm wearing. I have nothing left, except the small love Blake has for me, even if it is platonic love, it's something. He answers the door, looking handsome as usual; it's only been two weeks since I've seen him so I don't know why I was expecting him to look different.

"Jess," His surprise isn't just in his voice, it's written on his face too.

I hold up the bottle of champagne and smile as flirtatiously as I can. "I heard you scored a major deal, so I thought we'd celebrate." I explain my presence, and he stills seems taken back but he nods, as he moves aside so I can walk in. Everything is the same in the apartment, except for the girly touches I'd given it; now it looks like it's hardly lived in, which is likely with all the traveling Blake does.

"How have you been?" He inquires, walking toward the kitchen while I follow suit.

"I've been good." I tell him, as I set the bottle down. I'm managed to hide from everyone that I'm pregnant; though I have started to show a bit.

"That's good." He says genuinely, as he places two glasses in front of us.

"Oh, I brought it for you." This causes him to raise a brow. I always drink, more than anyone else in our group, but I can't exactly do it lately, though I truly wish I could. "I cut it out."

"Since when?" He laughs, placing the second glass in the cabinet.

"I'm trying to be healthier." I lie and he nods, pouring himself a glass.

"Well," He raises his glass to me. "Here's to that." Then he takes a swallow and heads to the fridge. "Want some water?"

"That sounds great," I say as I watch his muscles flex while he grabs the bottle. "Thanks." I take it, and chug some; I forgot how attracted I am to him. Too bad he doesn't share my feelings.

"How's work?" He asks, taking another large swallow of his drink. I smile, making sure it seems real.

"Good," I respond as I move from my seat on the stool, and round the counter to him. He eyes me as I lean against the counter and look up at him. "How's work for you?"

"Good," He nods, then takes another swallow, taking his eyes off of me. When he sets his glass down, I run my finger along the rim.

"I've been thinking a lot recently." I start, pouring his half empty glass back to full.

"About?" I watch him swallow, am I making him nervous?

"Us," I say in a soft voice, trailing my eyes from his chest back up to his eyes. "I think we might have called it quits too soon." He's quiet, then he takes a large swallow of his drink, so it's half empty again.

"I think it was for the best." He responds, as he slowly looks back to me while I move between him and the counter and press myself against his chest.

"I don't think you mean that." I raise my lashes slowly, as I trail my fingers along his chiseled chest slowly.

"Jessica," He grips my hand in his, and leans down so we're eye level. "I care about you too much to take advantage of you."

My anger pricks at me, and I look away. "Not the way I want you to." I whisper, my voice broken. 

"I'm sorry," He tells me honestly, and I look back up at him.

"I know," I whisper, then move away from him. "Let's just be friends. I need you as a friend, Blake." I admit honestly, feeling desperate but not really caring. I'm relieved when he nods.

"We can watch a movie?" He suggests and I nod as I smile a bit.

"Okay," I agree, as I head to the couch. "Don't forget your drink." I call over my shoulder, as I walk away.

The movie ends two hours later, and when I look over at Blake from the couch, I see he's knocked out in his chair. I laugh softly to myself as I turn off the TV, then cover him with a blanket. He's peaceful as he sleeps, and I trail my fingers along the hallow of his cheek; I miss him, but I did this. I ruined the good thing we could have had. I pushed him away, and now it is too late. I kiss his cheek, and lock my door on the way out. If I can have him as a friend, I'll take it.