The Marshall Boy

Thirty-Two

Thirty-two.
Jessica.
One Year Earlier...

My bag falls off my heavy shoulder as soon as I shut the door to Marlee's apartment. Blake was heavily drunk from the wine, but I should've known he wouldn't have sex with me. He isn't that type of guy. I feel sick as I realize I'm one of those girls; no wonder he doesn't want me. I rub my temples as I grab a bottle of water from the fridge, and plop down onto the couch. I don't want to do anything. I feel as if a thousand pounds is on me, and I have no energy or motivation to do anything. I royally ruined my entire life, and I'm not cunning enough to fix it. I seem to be all out of ideas on how to fix my situation so I have no other ideas but to sleep. I curl up with the velvet blanket Marlee got me for Christmas and close my tired eyes.

The smell of a cheesy pizza infects my senses. My stomach rolls as I inhale the greasy smell, and before I'm even fully awake I'm rushing to the hall bathroom.

"Jess?" Marlee's voice is confused as she calls my name from the kitchen, but I can't stop for her. I throw the toilet seat up and vomit all the content from my stomach, which wasn't much in the first place. When I think I'm done, the smell invades my nose again, and I start to dry heave. Marlee pulls my hair out of my face, pulling it into a messy pony tail before she runs cold water from the sink over a rag. She shuts the door, keeping the smell outside, so I can finally fall back against the tub. She places the cold rag on my face, then flushes the toilet for me. I want to say thank you, but I'm out of breath.

"Jess, did the pizza make you feel sick?" Her eyes are wide, as she wipes the sweat off my face. I nod slowly, knowing there's no way of convincing my genius cousin I have some virus.

"I'm pregnant." I tell her, and a smile the size of Texas breaks out on her face.

"Jess!" She shouts, hugging me despite how gross I smell and look. "That's amazing! I'm so happy for you!" She means every word; which hurts me more than all the rejections I've been getting hit with lately. "Have you told Blake yet?"

She knows we broke up, yet she assumes it's Blake's; because she doesn't know I'm a traitor. I betrayed the only person who ever loved me unconditionally.

"No," I breathe, as I stand and wash my hands. "I haven't told him yet." The cold water feels good on my clammy hands, but not good enough to make me feel better. I don't know if I ever will be again.

"You need to! He'll do right by you, and the baby will help you two to become close again." She watches me as I wash my hands, but I can't meet her gaze as I dry them. "Maybe even help rekindle the flame."

She means what she's saying; of course she does. It seems simple from hindsight, but it's not. It's not simple because I cheated on a good man, I broke up with him thinking my cousin's fiancé' would run away with me, and now I want him back and he's realized he's better off without me. It's not simple, it's a giant mess: but I force a smile so my cousin and best friend doesn't know that.

"Maybe." I breathe, and she grins. 

"I'm so excited!" She hugs me again, then kisses my cheek. "I'm going to get rid of the pizza, then we'll talk about setting up a nursery!" She hurries out of the bathroom, and I lean heavily against the door as my stomach turns over again. This isn't sickness from the pregnancy though; it's from the revelation of who I am. I came to LA, hoping to become famous off the songs I'd been writing my entire life, and instead I ended up ruining the lives of everyone I know. I wipe my tears as Marlee comes back into the bathroom; she babbles on about if it's a girl or a boy, and asks how far I am along, and wants to know when I'll tell Blake. I answer her questions honestly, as my thoughts are clouded by the way my life has turned out, and how screwed up I am.