A Monster Dream

26

I saw ambulances around the building and several paramedics bringing Stefani out on a gurney. She looked limp and was unconscious. Taylor came out, tears in his eyes. I went over to him.

"What happened?"

"She...she fell. Down the stairs. They...they said she dislocated her spine in the neck. If they aren't careful or can't get her the treatment she needs quickly, she could be permanently paralyzed."

What? No, that can't happen. I need her. Her fans need her. Please, God. Please make her okay again. I swear I'll never doubt her again. Please just do this for me. Please.

We went to the hospital they were bringing her and waited for news. I was vaguely aware of a commotion outside. Probably her fans having found out about her accident. I knew in their position I'd have done the same. I watched the clock as time creaked by slowly. It felt like the whole world was moving in slow motion. Probably because I was worried about Stefani. 

Seconds became minutes. Minutes became hours. Hours stretched out until I couldn't help but cry on Taylor's shoulder. He held me tight, but I knew he was just as worried as I was. Probably more since he was in love with her. But I loved her a lot. Probably more than was healthy for me. 

It hit me than that I knew exactly how she felt when was kidnapped. Though she probably felt worse, since she thought I was dead, not just dying. Also she's depressed, so it would be harder for her to deal with any major heartbreak like that.

If she recovers, the first thing I'll tell her is that I love and trust her and that I'm sorry for doubting her. She deserved my praise for her strength, not my contempt for her failure to continue to be strong after thinking I was dead. 

Soon, a doctor came over to the waiting room, asking who was here for Stefani. We stood up, and approached the doctor. 

He took us aside and said, "I am happy to tell you that she will make a complete recovery, but she needs a couple days to recover from her surgery."

"Can we see her?" I asked, hopefully.

"Of course, she'll be happy to see you two."

I felt relieved as we followed the doctor to her room. When we entered, I ran over to her and hugged her.

She returned it immediately. "Madison, I'm...I'm sorry for worrying you, after everything you've been through."

"You have nothing to apologize for, mom. I love you and I always will. I'm sorry for doubting you, I do trust you. And I understand what you went through. I'm not happy that you almost died, but that's only because I love you."

"You...forgive me?"

"Yeah. Sorry for treating you the way I have been."

"What do you mean, baby?"

"I feel like I'm always doubting you. I don't know why. I trust you. I do. But whenever something bad happens...I doubt you again. I don't know why."

"Maybe you're just afraid to trust, baby. To let me in."

"Maybe. But I don't want to be."

"It'll take time, honey."

"You're right."

I laid beside her, cuddling my head into her side. She wrapped her arms around me. I looked up to see her and Taylor kiss. I was happy that we felt like a family again. That I felt normal again. Not missing some part of me. Without Stefani, I'd never be whole again. But I didn't want to change that for the world.