I spent most of my time in a bed. Made of plastic, with a weird mattress that I lied on with the same blue colored blanked I had for the past years. The gowns were the same shade of disgusting blue. I always hated this color. Now I'm forced to be covered in it.
I watch my baby grow in the distance. Most of get time she was with Grayson.
"Hi Mommy!" Her cheerful voice was loud just like her father's. She's perfect.
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She's climbed up on the bed slowly, knowing she had to be careful. I bought her into my arms and hugged her.
"Hi my baby", I replied as I kissed her head. She was always starting at my arm. Looking at what needles they put in me today.
Grayson looked at me, as he stood at the door. He walked over and kissed me. He's too good to me. What would I do without him....
Hours past. I played with Bailey. But I wish I could care for her. It's hard to sit in the back and watch your baby grow. And it's even harder when you know you can't have another. That's the least of my worries at the moment. I need to be able to be alive at least to the time when she's in college. But I know I'm not going to last. So I must make all the time that I have, with her and Grayson and the world, the best that I can.
I kissed her and Gray and I said my good byes as they went home. And I was all alone, left to think about what's going to happen.
Grayson will still love me and I'm thankful for that. He's the only one that helps me. I love him so much. I blame myself. I can't be a better wife or mother. I can't give anything back. All I gave him was a lame excuse of cancer.....
