I sigh and go to stand up but my legs collapsed under me. I landed on the floor with a crash. My head hit the floor with a thud and I groaned. Something in the back of my mind was bugging me so I got up and decided to call Denis. There was a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach when the phone rang for the third time. Anxiety was slowly eating at me... Until I heard his voice.
"Hey Andy, what's up?"
"Hi Denis, am i interrupting something?"
"Nah I'm just waiting for dad to finish packing so we can leave"
"Oh, that's cool... So you haven't left yet?"
"Nah, Andy... Is there something wrong?"
"Oh...Um it's just that I had a bad feeling"
"Why didn't you tell me? Andy what was it about?"
"I'm sorry, I thought it was just stupid. It was about you. I had a horrible feeling that something had happened to you".
"Andy there's no need to worry. I'm fine but thanks for checking up on me".
"Oh it's ok. Well I better get going. I think mum and dad got home".
"Ok well I'll talk to you when I get to Ukraine. See ya".
"Yup, bye".
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I hung up the phone with a sense of relief. There was a noise downstairs so I decided to go down to check what it was. As soon as I step foot out of my room a foul smell hit me in the face. My electric blue eyes started to water and my vision blurred. It smelt like the crematorium we went to for Ben's cremation. The memories flew into motion. It was like I was there again. My tear stained face stared into the distance as I felt nothing. I felt empty.
I screamed as tears streamed down my face. The memories were too painful to bear, I screamed till I couldn't scream no more. My screams echoed around the house and I heard someone running up the stairs. I heard a familiar voice, I tried to speak but my throat was aching, I drifted out of consciousness.
Sweating and sobbing I found myself back in my bed. I curled into a ball and cried. There was a voice beside me and my head snapped up. It's not! Omg it is! Alex!! Alex!! Alex!! My eyes filled with delight even though there were tears still streaming down my pale cheeks. He came back. He bent down and pulled me into a bone crunching hug. When he finally let me go I looked at him with disappointment and anger. He looked ashamed.
"Hey Andy... I'm really sorry about leaving without saying goodbye. I'm sorry about making you feel like a fool. I'm sorry for ditching you for a girl".
I hesitate for a bit then decide...
"I forgive you, but you know I'm still deeply upset that you did that. I mean seriously you ditched me on the most important night ever. It was my birthday and you promised me that you'd take me out to dinner with dad."
"I know and I'm really sorry about that Andy. I promise it won't happen again."
"You better not or you'll have to deal with mum and dad. You know what they're like when it comes to promises."
I look Alex in the eyes and give him another hug. The truth is I had missed him. Yes, i missed my dopey older brother, I missed the fun we used to have. I missed him so much... But he reminded me of Ben. My eyes screwed up and I started crying again. Alex looked at me with a shocked expression on his face.
"Was it me? I'm sorry? It was me wasn't it? I'm so sorry Andy! Please don't cry Andy. I'm sorry I won't do it again."
I stopped crying and I answered softly " No Alex it wasn't you. It's just that you remind me so much of Ben and I can't - I might end up in tears sometimes. The fact that he can't be with us anymore is too heart wrenching."
Alex stared at me dumfounded. Then he realised. Ben who had been there when he wasn't. Ben who had comforted me when my own brother ditched me. Ben who had committed suicide because of the face that he couldn't handle the pain of missing his mother and sister. Ben, whom I will never get back.
.......... Happy birthday to Dolan_Twin_Hoe16 you're the best. Peace✌ A. Bass
