This damned kid, Phil, has been sitting on the ledge with me for the entire afternoon. The sun sets, and the real sky comes out, bright and sparkling out here in the countryside where no one ever visits. He doesn't seem like he's going to move, and I'm jittery at the idea that he's going to stay the night. I didn't invite him over.
He also doesn't seem to mind sitting in place. He's slouched back on the indents of his palms now, slender wrists turned outwards and long fingers curled in the grass. I tried waiting him out, talking as little as possible so he'd take a hint and figure that I wanted to be alone, but all he does is have a one-sided conversation which he seems to think includes us both. The curls of my hair are hanging over my forehead and I push them out of the way to stare down at the angry waves below. We're in for a storm tonight.
"Hey, be careful!" Phil startles for a moment, yelling at me as he reaches forward to grab my arm and stop me from toppling over the edge.
I flinch away. Maybe he thinks I look real, but he won't be able to touch me. It's been ten years, and still I've only learned how to materialise certain parts of me, and only with intense concentration. It's not easy to make solid something that no longer truly exists. I still don't understand why I can't just fade away like all the rest of the miserable ghosts whose paths I've crossed.
Phil looks hurt at my reaction. What, did he think we were friends? Really, it's quite odd that I haven't managed to scare him away already. Give him two more hours. I've always been splendid at breaking any presumption of friendship. People don't like me.
"It's fine," I tell him. Silence. I can feel his big puppy eyes on the back of my head, waiting for me to say something else, since it's the first time I've spoken in hours. My throat is scratchy, but he clearly has no trouble waiting. So I say, "I think it's going to start raining soon. You might want to hightail it out of here." I gesture vaguely in his direction, keeping my eyes out on the sea. "Don't want all your camera equipment to get ruined."
The grass crinkles beneath him as he shifts, and for a second, I think he's about to go. Good. His presence is so calming, so inexplicably stable, and it leaves no room for my turbulent self. Best he get out of here so the wind can blow on its own again. I turn to watch him go, but when I do, he's still staring at me with that look in his eyes, like I've got some secret and he's not about to let me keep it. I find myself wishing that for once, curiosity would just do everyone a favour and kill the cat. He shrugs and runs a hand through his hair. "No worries. My bag's waterproof, and so's my camera. To be fair, my camera has broken a few times from rain because it's not nearly as waterproof as they make it out to be, but if it gets bad enough, I can still put it in my bag. And rainy shots of the sea are so nice, aren't they? I can never get enough of them."
I shrug too, and hum to myself. Stretch my legs out in front of my and wave my feet this way and that. I don't plan on encouraging him.
"So, Dan, why are you here?"
I jump a little when he says my name. I forgot I told him. Bad idea.
I think for a moment before I answer. "I like cliff-diving."
He blinks. He doesn't believe me. "What, off here? It's too high up. And the sea's so rough. That's like suicide."
Like suicide? Oh now, and all of a sudden! I'm laughing. My head's in the grass, soaking up mist and the little droplets of water that are starting to fall from the sky, and my ribs are shaking. Thank god I don't need to breathe, because I can't. And I can't stop, either.
Phil just watches me in awe. I can't tell if he doesn't believe I'm laughing, or if he can't understand why.
The rain is falling onto my eyelids now, clumping my eyelashes together, and trickling little wet tears down my cheeks, and for some reason it tastes salty. I lick my lips and I come back into myself. I'm afraid Phil noticed that I was floating. When I laugh, I float. It doesn't matter, I guess. It's dark out and maybe he couldn't see. He still hasn't said anything. I look at him, and I smile, and in the most level voice I can manage, I say,
"Well, I'm still here, aren't I?"
YOU ARE READING
When September Ends
FanficDan thought that when he gave it all up, everything would finally be over. But as it turns out, there's more to life than meets the eye, and Dan is alone in this part. Until he meets Phil, who can somehow see him.
