Kiss Me Not Her // Junhao

Chapter 8

Minghao's point of view

 I stand here paralyzed, what the fuck is happening? 

I hear Jun stomping away from me, I need to do something to apologize but for some reason something is stopping me. I just really don't want to look at him, when I do I notice the tears in his eyes that are caused by me.

"I'm canceling our duet!"

I'm speechless..

I feel like dying inside. What happened? Everything was going fine but I just had to ruin it for the both of us. 

Every time I think about him or look at him.. It always results in me drowning in my own tears, At this point.. I'm tired and my eyes are dry from all the times I've cried. So I just don't think about anything, shutting down everything in my mind. 

"Minghao! What are you doing!" 

I hear someone snap me back to reality, "Hansol? Why are you here?" I ask, not taking my eyes off the night sky. He sits down next to me and lies me down on his lap, we do this so many times that I feel like this is normal. "So, tell me what happened." He strokes my hair slowly, Hansol usually does this when I'm crying. My face may be blank and expressionless but he knows I'm breaking inside.

"He said that he and I should hangout more," He looks down at me confused, "Isn't that what you want though?" He's not wrong, I don't know why I like to make things harder for myself. I try to avoid him, but when I get the chance to hangout with him I don't hesitate to come to him, but now..

I sigh, "I'm complicated, I said no to his offer, then he got mad.. He said I spend a lot of time with you but I won't with him. I guess he's hurt.. But what's for sure is that he really hates me now." I take Hansol's hand and play with the sleeves of his jacket. 

He hums in response and it looks like he's thinking, about what though. "You should apologize to him.." My heart begins to quicken it's pace, the thought of apologizing and getting rejected scares me, it's gonna take more than just an apology. "Sorry isn't gonna be enough, I need a reason to why all of this started in the first place."

"Then just tell him." Back at it with the terrible advice.

I stand up straight and look at him with an areyoukiddingme  face. "So, you're saying that I should tell him that this all started because I love him and I'm gay? Are you trying to expose me?" He mouths an 'oops' and smiles at me, "Right, sorry I forgot. But come on, he can't possibly hate you! Just apologize to him like you mean it, cry and beg if you need to!"

___

"This better work.." I say with my hand over the door handle, my head filled with a bunch of 'What if..' questions and I don't know how to answer them, such as "What if he gets mad at me again?" "What if it doesn't work?" and sadly the list goes on.

Hansol holds my shaky hand, "Its okay, I'll back you up."

"you better.."

"I will."