Flaws

Chapter 2: Dr. Satan

Chapter 2:

Sometimes you just have no words to say. Nothing to explain how you feel, or why you’re doing something. This was one of those times.

As Dilan yells at me, screaming at me, wondering why I would do something like that, no explanation will come to me. I know I should say something, but I can’t. There are no words at all. And all I can think is that I should have been more careful.

As Dilan tears down the stairs to get Sarah, I still haven’t said a word. And I am still silent when she come back up. Sarah questions me, and gets mad when I don’t answer. I don’t even react until I hear one word that sticks out in her rant.

Rehab.

And suddenly the words are back. I’m screaming at them, telling them that rehab is for freaks. That I’m not a freak and I, under no circumstances, have to go there. I’m fine I can hear myself say, I just had an upset stomach. The lie is obvious even to me. And what breaks me is when Dilan says that she knew I was anorexic, she knew I was too skinny.  That it’s her fault and she should have been paying more attention.

Dilan starts to sob and immediately Sarah is comforting her, looking accusingly at me. She ushers Dilan out of the room and gives one last look at me before saying, “We’ll discuss this further in the morning.”

Some amount of time later I am finally getting up off of my seat on the toilet and plodding into my bedroom. Laying down on my bed, I think about how this night when so horrible so quickly, and why I couldn’t just remember to lock the door. Deep down I know that none of this should have ever happened.

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When I walk down the stairs the next morning into the kitchen, it is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Sarah and Dilan sit at the table, both of their faces somber, and I fear for the worst. As soon as Dilan turns to see that I have entered, she gets up quickly and briskly walk out. I don’t even react as I hear her chair scrape against the floor, or her heavy footsteps walk into the living room.

“Kendall, I need to talk to you,” Sarah says, ever so politely. “Would you please take a seat?” She motions over to where Dilan had been sitting, just moments ago. Knowing that she was just asking for courtesy, I take the seat without complaining.

“I need you to promise that you will not interrupt me while I speak, can you do that?” She asks. I simply just nod and she continues.  “I had noticed some weird patterns in you eating habits. I noticed that at first you weren’t eating a whole lot, and then you began to eat a lot sometimes. I just blamed it on you being a teenager. Things aren’t always that easy at your age and not everything always clear. When you weight started to drop I thought that you just wanted to be more athletic. But now I can see that I was totally wrong and I should have been paying way more attention. Looking back on it, I notice all the times you refused to go to the doctors and would go up to your room to eat instead of eating with me. Also how after every meal you did eat with me, you always took a shower after. I’ve decided that you do need help. So that’s why I have scheduled a doctor’s appointment for you this morning. I hope they can decide what we should do.”