The Decision (viners)

46: Mattlyn

Madilyn's POV

This is becoming a bigger issue as every day passes, and now everything I do is revolving around these four boys. Matthew, Taylor, Cameron, and Shawn... my brother's best friends. What am I going to do?

There was a light knock on my door, and it could only belong to one person. That person was my mother, because she was the only one who knocked so lightly. "Come in." I called weakly. The door slowly creaked open and she stepped in, closing it behind her.

"Hi honey," she smiles, "I want to talk to you."

"Okay... am I in trouble?" I ask and she laughs, shaking her head no.

"No, you're not. I just wanted to talk to you about Nash's friends."

"Oh."

"You know what I'm getting at, right?" she asks and I just nod, already knowing how the conversation is going to go. She gives my hand a small squeeze and says, "You can talk to me about anything."

"I know," I sigh, "but I didn't think it was a big issue, well at first. But now it's becoming a huge problem..."

"Go on," she gives me a warm smile and I decide to go on, because I need to have some type of advice, and the best person to get that from is my mother herself.

"Well... at first I liked Shawn. It started the first night I came here, and we kind of talked for a while and I just grew these feelings for him, but they weren't like, strong feelings. Not yet, anyway. I just thought I had a little crush on him because he was cute and nice and adorable and funny and sweet and... oh shit."

My mother laughs lightly, but also scolding me for saying a bad word. "In my opinion, you still like Shawn, I can tell by the way you went into a daze while describing your little crush..."

"You haven't even heard the rest of the story!" I say and she tells me to just continue so I do. "Anyway, also the first night I came her, Cameron gave me his sweatshirt. You remember because you were there when it happened. It was when they were playing football. So I went to the movies a few days after that with my friends Haylee and Ariel, and Taylor was there. I was wearing Cam's sweatshirt and Taylor just didn't seem happy about it? So he gave me his and made me wear that instead. It was weird. I felt the same thing towards Taylor as I did with Shawn after that, and then one day Taylor kissed me... and it felt so right for some reason. So he asked me out after that, and I of course said yes because who wouldn't? On our date, I ran into my old best friends there, Jack and Jack. I think I've told you about them."

"Yeah, you did. You said that you thought Gilinsky was your first love..."

"Well, yeah, but he wasn't. I just thought he was because he was the only boy in my life that I've ever had feelings towards. I was only fourteen when it all started, and we could only hangout secretly for two years."

She frowns, but tells me to keep going. "So when I saw Jack, I was so happy I got to see the both of them again. Jack kissed me, and I just missed him so much that I completely forgot I was on a freaking date. Taylor saw it and I felt so bad," I pause for a moment and decide whether or not I want to tell her the part about getting high with the Jacks and almost losing my virginity but I decide against it and skip the whole part, even when Shawn picked me up after that.

"Before I went on that date with Taylor, though, Shawn kissed me. I pushed him away though... because I didn't want to have him on my mind all night while I was with Taylor." I say and she nods in understanding as I go on. "But then there's Matt... he's basically my best friend, but he's tried to kiss me a couple times but I've always ended up pulling away. But there was this one time where I didn't, and that time was when I was dating Shawn. Taylor walked in and he witnessed me kissing Matt, which made me look like even more of a slut."

"It seems like Taylor always catching you kissing the guys." she says and I think about it for a moment. She's right, he caught me kissing Jack and Matt. Taylor is always around.

"It's just that Shawn told me that he loved me, and I didn't say it back... because I don't think I do. I can't love someone if I have other feelings for different guys. But now I don't know how I feel."

"Just ask yourself, which boy would hurt the most not to be with?"

"That's just it, Mom... I don't know."

.

It was later in the night and I was hanging out with Haylee and Ariel in my room. Nash decided to have Cameron and Matt over, but they were in Nash's room. It was around 1 in the morning, and the three of us were just sitting around my room talking about stuff.

"So, Haylee... you still like Cameron?" I ask the blonde girl because I was curious. He told me that he didn't like her, and that he liked me. I would feel terrible if she still had that huge crush on him and thought he liked her back, especially when he said he didn't but she doesn't know that.

"Of course I do. I've liked him since the 9th grade," She smiles wide and adds, "and think he likes me too."

Ugh. "I'll be right back," I say to them and stand up, walking out of my room. Matt is walking up the stairs as I walk down them and I stop walking. I haven't talked to him since that night where I started crying, and that was a few weeks ago. "Hey."

"Hey," he stands there for a moment, just looking at me until he grabs my arm and leads me into the kitchen. There's only a dim light since nobody is awake except for the six of us teenagers, and the other four are upstairs. "Why haven't you been talking to me?"

"Sorry, but don't take it personally. I wasn't talking to any of you guys." I tell him and he just raises an eyebrow.

"What do you mean by guys? Cameron, Taylor, and Shawn?" he asks and I nod. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, don't worry." I give him a smile, but it was weak and somewhat forced. We both stand there for a minute in silence, but Matthew soon pulls me into a hug. It's one of those warm, comforting hugs that you really need sometimes. I don't question it and wrap my arms around his torso, my head laying against his chest.

He pulls back from the hug after a while, and hesitates before asking, "Would it be wrong to kiss you right now?"

Yes.

No.

I don't know, but you should do it anyway.

He doesn't wait for my answer, instead he leans down all the way and plants his lips on mine. I know I'm just digging the hole deeper by kissing Matt but right now that didn't matter.

This time, I'm not the one to push away. Instead, Matt lightly pushes me back and his eyes widen. "I'm sorry- I can't."

"What?" I ask but he just shakes his head.

"I like you too much, Madilyn. I'm just making it worse by thinking you feel the same way." He looks away from me but he doesn't walk away.

"Matt... I do like you. Why else would I kiss you back?"

"I don't know, because you do that a lot." He replies and I furrow my brows.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

He shrugs. "It hurts a lot, you know? To love someone when they-"

"Love?" My eyes go wide and I stare at him. He just said love.

He realizes what he just said, and I can tell he didn't mean to but he doesn't take it back. "Yes, Madilyn. I love you! I love you so much and you don't even realize it. Sometimes I feel like I could have a chance but then you're dating Shawn, or kissing Taylor, or flirting with Cameron... the point is, I love you and you don't feel the same way." He frowns at me.

"Matt-"

"I should go upstairs before the boys wonder where I am." his voice cracks and he quickly looks away from me again. I reach for him but he walks away from me, going back up the stairs and leaving me standing there, wondering why in the world anyone could possibly love me after all I've done to them.

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aaaaaand there was some mattlyn for the mattlyn shippers. my chapters are starting to get longer guys. swag.

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