my life is suffering

i try to understand

There's a lot of things that I don't understand in my life why is this happening to me I don't know why I feel like I don't have someone there to support me I feel like my life doesn't have an end in a lot of things in my past has haunt me a lot of things in the future has haunting me I still go back to when I was a young boy I have dreams where I see that little boy suffering but didn't have the confidence to stand up to people that little boy felt like he was alone he didn't have no friends and that kept on going and I just didn't know what to do I didn't know what to say to people who are making fun of me laughing at me I still feel that way I still feel like life doesn't make sense anymore for me but I will find a way I will leave it up to God to decide most of my life contains stuff that most people don't understand whenever I tell them I always go back to the memories where I was with one of my internet friends who broke my feelings I go back to when I was a little kid I put all my suffering and pain and it still haunts me but I feel like I'm in this place where I can't get up or I'm in the hole that I just can't get up and it's something that I just can't seem to figure out and I try and try to lift myself up but I feel like I can't I hope someone can help me one day that friend of mine didn't care didn't care about what I was going through he was just hurting me he put me back the same hole where I was before