I've been feeling more and more depressed lately. I've been constantly struggling with not to self harm.
Today T seemed like she really hated me. She keeps shipping me with S and it gets annoying. Yet she calls me the immature one. It's the second day and I'm already hating this term. She seems to never go to sleep at the right time. She always says up until 2 - 4am talking to people online. I'm perfectly fine with it but its how angry and tired she is from little sleep that frustrates me.
She acts so hostile and short-tempered from the little sleep. She keeps blaming everything on me and it's just getting so frustrating.
S is pretty dang annoying too. I mean I can handle him because he just acts like an idiotic 15 year old boy (cause thats what he is) I'm used to my brother so he is nothing.
I'm pretty sure T has a big crush on him. Just the way she acts around him, and how jealous she is when he and I play fight. I don't get why she might be jealous of it, like I don't even like him.
Also not to mention me and T have been split into differ maths classes. I'm now in a harder class and i'm struggling.
This girl liked my insta photos. She is never like that. She is always acting slutty and wants attention, wants drama to happen. Never in a million years did I think she would like any of my photos. I like to think that she is jealous of me and liked my photos because she wants to be me.
When I started dying my hairs crazy colours I found that like a few days after shed say I'm going to dye my hair purple, or i'm going to bleach my hair. But she never did. The same thing happened with T. I dyed my hair she she wanted me to dye hers the same colour.
Why do so many people want to look like me?
I guess one good thing happened today.
I'm starting to be more active on my blogs and such. I want to start writing some fanfics and stories. I plan to publish some on my quotev account. Also I wanted to mention that I write all my entries on my wordpress site and then sometimes I put them on my quotev and wattpad. Since wordpress is my favourite blogging site c;
I know it's bad but I really want to cut. I've held off the feeling for so long. I know I can but I just don't know where to do it since im in summer uniform for school. I guess I could cut my upper thighs like I used to, there's some satisfaction I get from seeing the lines and blood. I guess im just a crazy masochist. anyway.
This diary entry is one of the longest entries i've probably ever written. Also I haven't weighed myself and I look like i've gained weight so i might carve fat into my thigh and look at it so i don't eat tomorrow. I've starting getting back into the pattern of either chucking my food out or giving it away. Also I had to get a new skirt. i'm now size 12.
