{irreplaceable}

18

"I just don't understand." Lily says quietly, holding her face in her hands. "I don't understand." I rub her back comfortingly, although I feel like jumping for joy at her newfound feelings for James. "One day, he's acting like a complete jerk, and another day he's this nice, sweet and sympathetic guy that actually has feelings!" She blubbers out, leaning into my shoulder. 

I brush her hair back. "Lils, it's all gonna work out. I promise." I keep saying that. Because it's true, but I really don't know anything for sure. 

How come I keep making promises I can't keep?

James walks in and freezes in his tracks. "This is a bad time. I'll be leaving. I'm going to leave now." He says quickly, turning around and starting to walk out the door. "Wait." Lily says, getting up gingerly and walking towards him. He faces her hopefully. They stand in front of each other silently for a moment and the hope of love in their future bubbling traitorously in my stomach. Fast as lightening, she reaches up and slaps him straight across the face.

I gasp loudly and he stumbles back. She wipes her tears away furiously and pushes past him towards the door. He reaches for her hand. "Lily-" She pulls her hand away. "Don't touch me." She shakes her head furiously, backing up. "Just don't touch me." She runs down the stairs and I can hear the portrait hole slam from the dormitory. 

He sinks to his knees and holds his head in his hands. I sit down next to him and wrap my arms around his shoulders. "I deserved that." He whispers. I shake my head. "No you didn't, James. She's just a bit confused right now, that's all."  He shakes his head and leans away, running a hand through his hair. "I deserve it." A mark is already forming on his cheek. "My one chance, to make things right. And I blew it." Tears start falling from his face faster and faster and he wipes them away furiously. "Why the hell am I crying so much?" He mutters. I grab his hand and he looks at me. 

"James, you're hurt. The girl you've liked since 3rd year just slapped you and dump you, even though you guys weren't even technically together. You're in so much emotional pain that I would call you inhumane if you weren't crying right now. It's okay to cry and it's okay to have feelings. Just because you're a guy doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to show your emotions." 

He exhales shakily. "When did you get so wise?" I laugh, ruffling his hair and helping him up. "Only when it's not about my own decisions. Then I'm a complete idiot."  We walk downstairs together, occasionally bumping shoulders. "Where were you?" Sirius demands, walking up towards us. I shoot him a weird glance before replying. "I was comforting James, why?" 

"Why? Maybe because I just spent the last hour searching the whole bloody school for you, and I had to ask Lily where you were because oh yeah, I have no freaking clue where my girlfriend is." I exhale disbelievingly, letting go of James's arm. "Sirius, I was talking with James in my dorm! Clearly you didn't look everywhere, or else you would have found me." He slams his arms down at his sides after running a hand angrily through his hair. 

"The fact isn't where I look, it's the fact that I couldn't find you and you didn't tell me where you are!" He exclaimed. I look around worriedly. He's starting to attract stares. "Sirius, lower your voice." I say warningly, my voice low myself. "I'm not gonna lower my voice! I like to know where the bloody hell my girlfriend is, and that she's not off snogging some Hufflepuff in a broom closet!" He yells. "We all know how your last relationship ended." He spats. My eyes widen and I see the instant regret across his face. "Well if that's really how you feel." I say tightly, my voice choked. I gather my things and spin around and start walking quickly down the hallway. "Kylie, wait!" My quick walk turns into a run, and when I push the doors open to the courtyard, the cool air stings the warm tears falling down my cheeks.