- the white stargazer -

0.8

The shock hits me hard.

I fall to the floor with my face in my hands. My ears begin to ring, all noise is muted except my breathing. My shallow, rapid breathing. I can feel my hands shaking, I have no control. From what sounds like far, far away, I hear someone speaking, saying my name. 

Slowly, I look up. 

And he's really there. He's really, truly there. Right in front of me. 

Placing a hand over my mouth, I whisper "Holy fuck."

His eyes are filled with concerned. The curly bangs still hang over his right eye. The sight of him takes the breath out of me. 

"You can see me?", he exhales. "Finally, you can be one ignorant bitch."

I can't answer. I'm gaping at him. How can he be here? How can he just stand here, in my room? It's impossible. It can't be. It can't happen. 

"How are you- Why- How-"

He rolls his eyes. Typical Gabriel. "Well, I died but I'm still here somehow. I'm not too sure myself."

"Do you not realise how strange this is?!", I exclaim, pulling at my hair. "I'm going insane. That's it. I have finally gone mad. I'm going to end up in a mental hospital with creeps and probably end up being murdered by one of the nurses because I'll be the annoying patient in the ward and no one will come to my funeral, hell no one will even hear of it-"

"Where the hell is that all coming from?"

I look up. He's still here. Gabriel. The guy who's funeral I went to this summer. The guy I've spent months mourning. 

"How can you be here?", I ask him, whilst my brain is trying to catch up. 

"Well, I'm not really here, which you probably understand", he begins, sitting down on the floor in front of me. "I think I'm stuck. When I died, I should've passed right trough. I should've just died. But I didn't. Instead I'm here, wandering around like a living except no one can see me."

"How can I see you?", I mumble, my hand unintentionally reaching for his.

He pulls his hand away before mine reaches it. "I've been trying to get your attention since the accident, pretty much. I didn't know if it was possible but I kept trying and I noticed how I broke through, in small measures."

I frown. "My dreams."

He smirks. "And the shadows you've seen around the house, the weird noises, the tv."

"You haunted me?"

He rolls his eyes chuckling. "Always so dramatic. But yes."

I sigh, shutting my eyes for a moment. "I still don't get it. Why are you still here? Why didn't you... die?"

"Well, that's the problem. I don't know. And being stuck in this phase sucks pretty hard."

He keeps talking. Well, his mouth is moving, but suddenly I can't hear his voice. My heart starts beating faster. Is this all I got? Will he disappear again? He notices I can't hear him. His eyes grow wider with worry, regret. I read his lips and I can tell he's saying my name. Over and over. 

"No, no don't go", I whisper desperately.

The contour of his body, the colours, they all fade slowly. Soon, he's all gone. The spot in front of me is empty and I am once again alone in my room. 

"No! No no no!", I exclaim, bursting out into tears again.

As I'm crying and thinking of everything that just happened, a piece of paper falls down to the floor. I frown, picking it up. There's something written on it.

Guess the time ran out, but I'm not gone. I'll come back to you, I promise.

-G

I take a deep breath. Shutting my eyes slowly, the last tears roll down my cheek. "Alright."

-

That night, I wait up late. My mom went to bed a few hours ago and I can hear her snoring. I sit on my bed, waiting. I don't really know what I'm waiting for though. But I'm hoping he'll come back. I need answers. My brain still hasn't processed everything. Apparently, going from knowing and accepting that he's dead to him suddenly sitting in front of me isn't that easy. 

Maybe I imagined everything. Maybe I really am going crazy. 

"Esther?"

I look up. He's back. A smile appears on my lips. 

"It's so strange to see you here, so casually", I say quietly. 

He smirks. "I would come with a sassy comeback but I don't know how much time we have. Will you help me?"

I frown. "With what?"

"Moving on. Passing on. Getting away from this middle phase."

I swallow, realising that by helping him with this, he will be truly gone in the end. I nod anyway. "Of course."

+++++++++++

Gabriel is back! 

I'm really excited about getting him into the story, I know exactly what he's like and I want you all to know him too. 

Lots of love,

  Wilma