breaking free (completed)

3. help me

"Nay...bakit po may pull ups sa kwarto namin?" Ate Niki, then aged 14, asked. She and Maine shared a room together with Coleen, 12. Nico, 16, the eldest had his own room; Dean, the youngest at 7 years old, slept on a mattress in his parents' room. "...matagal nang di nag-d-diapers si Dean, diba?"

".....para kay Meng yan...." Nanay said, shrugging her shoulders. Maine was in third grade at 10 years old.

"....huh?"

"....tumawag yung teacher nya kanina, sinundo ko sa school kasi iyak daw ng iyak at naihi na naman sa panty nya...."

"Hala..."

"....pang apat na beses na nga ito since last week e....bukas, may meeting kami ni Ms. Myra, yung teacher ni Maine..."

"....ahh...."

"....nakakabahala kasi, mataas naman ang grades nya sa mga quizzes at tests nya pero yun lang, di sya nagsasalita....di ko nga maalala kung nag-raise sya ng kamay, e..." Ms. Myra explained about Maine's activity at school.

"...alam kong di kapani-paniwala pero pag nasa bahay sya, madaldal si Maine....mahina lang ang boses ng konti pero madaldal sya...."

"....nagkkwento po ba sya about sa mga nangyayari sa school?"

"....hmmm....madalas hindi tungkol sa school ang kinukwento nya.....pag nagkwento na yung mga kapatid nya tungkol sa mga activities nila sa school, tatahimik na sya...."

"....ahhh....sa ngayon po pinapasulat ko sa kanya yung answers nya sa papel or sa white board....and thinking about it, mas may "sagot" sya pag ako lang ang kaharap nya...."

"....I see...."

"Opo...siguro Ma'am, kausapin nyo yung guidance counselor para mas matutulungan natin si Maine..."

"Thank you, we'll do that...."

"....siguro di nyo sya binibigyan ng panahon para sumagot...." the guidance counselor said.

"....inaantay po nga namin na sumagot o magsalita sya pag nagkkwento na yung mga kapatid nya...."

".....I think she's just very shy....most children her age would already be very bubbly and talkative already...."

"Talkative nga sya....kapag kami lang ang kaharap....."

"....ilabas nyo sya.....expose her more to the world...." the elderly counselor advised.

Maine underwent several tests and it was found that she had Selective Mutism. She wasn't deaf or unable to speak, it was because she was anxious around "strangers" especially people outside her family. Crowds overwhelmed her. From the third grade until she was 18 years old, she stayed silent especially when outside their home. Her anxiety when outside home brought about nervousness and sometimes, incontinence.

Out of desperation for their daughter to speak, her parents hired a private sign language tutor so that Maine could "say" her words without having to use her voice. She learned well in the one-on-one set up. However, she still refused to communicate with other people outside of her comfort zone. She signed to her family when outside home and used a combination of sign language and speech when in the home. When she did speak, her voice was usually just above a whisper. Her parents and family could not quite understand fully what was going on in Maine's "world".

"....ayoko mag diaper...."

"....paano kung mapaihi ka ulit?"

"....ayoko mag diaper...."

"....hindi ba mas nakakahiya yung naihi ka nalang bigla?"

Maine shrugged her shoulders.

"....ganito....ilagay natin sa loob ng bag mo....kung magka-accident ka ulit, yan ang gagamitin mo pamalit...."

Maine looked at Nanay and blinked.

".....bakit ka ba naihi sa school?"

"....ang gulo-gulo kasi nila..."

"Sino?"

"Yung mga classmates ko....ang iingay nila at magulo...ang daming tao...."

"Madaming tao?"

Maine nodded slowly. "....sa auditorium....madaming tao...."

"Ahh...."

"Hello....what's your name?" the shop owner asked as Maine handed her money when she went with Nanay to buy some candy. "...you're very pretty...."

"....say 'thank you'..." Nanay said.

Maine just stared.

"....di talaga sya nagsasalita..." Nanay explained.

"Ahh...."

"Thank you...." Nanay thanked the shop owner before they left.

"Gusto mo ba yang candy na nabili mo?"

".....opo....thank you...." Maine nodded and answered.

"....pero I'm happy anak....you paid for your own candy...."

"....muntik na nga magkamali sa pagbigay ng sukli..." Maine recounted.

"....how much was your candy?"

".....twenty one seventy five....."

"...how much was your money?"

"....fifty pesos..."

"So, how much change should be get?"

"....twenty eight twenty five....muntik na maging thirty pesos yung change...."

"....anong gagawin mo kung mali nga yung change na binigay sa yo?"

Maine looked at Nanay and shrugged her shoulders.

Nanay explained to Maine's teacher what Maine had. "She has 'Selective Mutism' which is an anxiety disorder where she feels anxious in many situations that she cannot talk. At home, where she feels more comfortable, she speaks with us, her Tatay and myself as well as her brothers and sisters. But, she does not talk to the kasambahay......she's not being rude or defiant when she does not answer back or respond as expected. People with selective mutism know the answers to our questions, they just cannot verbalize it...they are normally capable of speech but do not speak in specific situations or to specific people....."

Ms. Myra, read up and researched on Maine's condition in order to help her. In the year in her class, although Maine still did not speak a word but she successfully completed the third grade.

This wasn't the case, though, in the succeeding levels. Maine had different teachers who were less understanding of her situation and condition and believed that she would and should just snap out of it. Although she was able to complete her elementary and high school courses with good grades, not all people at school were very supportive, understanding or helpful.