breaking free (completed)

2. talk?

"What is your name?"

"...hmm...Awwjay...."

"How old are you?"

"I foh..." Rj holds up four fingers. "mmdmgmbbbbaaaaapppssss" he "says" happily.

"...you really like to talk, don't you?"

"yeth!" Rj replies with a forceful nod.

"What do you want to do later?"

"....hmmm....to....pat...."

"You want to go to the park?"

Rj smiles and nods.

"What will you do at the park?"

"....nay da pat...."

"You want to what?'

"....nay da pat...."

"You want to play in the park?"

He nods vigorously. ".....wip.....yayan d.....sa...."

"With Kuya RD and Riza?"

He nods.

"What are you going to play with?"

"......sd...."

"Again?"

Rj slides off the sofa.

"....you want to go on the slide?"

He stands up and nods. ".....ssss....go!"

"Let's go?

This conversation is of Rj at four years old taken by video with his Mom asking him questions. He had apraxia of speech and could not articulate and pronounce words properly. In fact, he was understood more by his family than other people around him.

"What?! He's four and he still can't talk properly?" a lot of people would react this way when they would hear him speak and communicate with his family outside their home.

"He should have outgrown babbling by now..." 'experts' would say.

"He's weird..." young kids who didn't know any better would comment.

Rj was soon enrolled in speech therapy and soon after, he began articulating words better. By the time he was in middle school, his speech improved that no one could suspect that he had a disability as a young child.

"What made you want to take Speech-Language Pathology?"

"I couldn't speak well as a child.....I was diagnosed with Apraxia of Speech and people were very mean....I was bullied a lot....they called me names....I wanted to run away many times but I also knew that this wouldn't help me.....I decided to work harder and develop my speech.....then I thought that others would also need my help.....I think I would be an effective therapist because I've lived it....I've had first-hand experience...."

"Why sign language?"

"Why not? It's a language that is beautiful just like any foreign language. And as a speech pathologist, we get a lot of non-verbal patients who respond more to signs and gestures before actual articulation of sounds and words....when I was a child, my parents and I communicated with a lot of non-verbal communication....I'd point to what I wanted or "demonstrate" what I needed....I did not learn sign language as a child because my parents and therapists believe that I could and would eventually speak properly.....now they say I talk to much (chuckles).....I learned sign language because, like what I said earlier, I want to communicate with my non-verbal patients and students....giving them the "voice" they need to communicate...."

"J....do you think you can handle this?" Mr. Lopez asked Rj one late afternoon. Richard, or Rj, was a 19 year old speech therapist. He worked at a small therapy center as part of his college practicum, and usually helped in classes for young children and teens. Mr. Lopez, his boss, presented him with the case of a 16-year old girl who refused to speak in public. Mr. Lopez thought that it would be good for Rj  to handle one-on-one sessions with a student after observing him for six months.

"....deaf?" he asked as he browsed the papers through the paper handed to him.

"...no....she talks....but with very selected people....mostly family...it's all there in her file....and a flashdrive of videos...." Mr. Lopez said.

"Hmm...." Rj said.

"So, are you willing to do it?"

"....let's give it a shot...." he said, smiling. The dimple on his left cheek was very evident.

Unknown to Mr. Lopez and the people at his workplace, Rj was familiar with this girl's case. He too, as a young boy, decided to just shut down and stopped talking to anyone outside his family. When he was 7 years old and in first grade, his parents were shocked when his teachers said that he would not talk or participate in class. He just stared and occasionally nodded or shook his head when asked questions. He had Apraxia of Speech as a toddler but because he spoke "differently", he was often teased and bullied in public. At home, he was loud and boisterous, full of energy. He had learned to speak properly and was understood more by his family. But outside, he would clam up and shut down. Years later, after intensive therapy, he found his voice again and said that he felt very anxious and scared when people wanted him to respond or reply to them. He had the words in his mind but his mouth just refused to move. He hurt when people said painful words about him or threw him odd stares but he just couldn't express himself or react in public. With the help of his family, he gained the confidence to overcome his anxiety and to know that it's okay to make mistakes and not everyone is there to judge you.

That evening, Rj, re-read and re-watched videos on Selective Mutism. He also watched home videos shot by the girl's family. She was vibrant and full of life at home. He noticed, however, that the girl was quite active and talkative with the same people – mostly her family; but was less active in the presence of "strangers" in the video – the younger household staff. He also noted that she signed to her parents when in the presence of strangers but it was mostly very small gestures, almost deliberately done discreetly. In general, she would be like two totally different people in different situations.

"....she's just like me...." he thought as he closed his eyes to sleep.