breaking free (completed)

16. test

Maine began opening up a just little bit. She used her words now. The following weekday, Rj wanted to 'test' if Maine had really overcome her anxiety when interacting with people.

"....are you ready?" he asked when he invited her to coffee after dinner 3 days after she started speaking with him.

"....i think so..."

"....you don't have to if you don't want to....if you're not ready...." he said.

"...no....I want to try....you'll...."

"....yes, I'll be beside you....."

After walking around their village, they walked to a coffee shop just outside the village gate. They held hands and Rj felt Maine squeeze his hand as they walked out the gate. He knew that she was becoming nervous and anxious again so he slowed down while walking but at the same time, tugging her hand gently.

"...kaya?" he asked again.

She had a worried look in her face but nodded.

There was a short line inside the coffee shop so they looked at the menu board first.

"....this register please..." the barista called.

Rj slightly nudged Maine and they approached.

"....Hi! What can I get you?" the barista greeted cheerfully.

Maine looked at the barista (actually, she looked past him....to the coffee machine behind him).

"....we have some specials now like those on the board..." the barista suggested.

Sensing that Maine froze in her spot, Rj stepped up and ordered for them. ".....one grande iced latte and a grande caramel frappucino with 2 pumps of mint syrup...."

"....will that be all? How about some pastries?"

"....that's all, thanks!" Rj said. He paid and gently pushed Maine to wait for their orders at the other end of the counter.

They walked back inside the village to Maine's house. They sat on the sidewalk just outside her gate. In the ten minutes that it took from the coffee shop to Maine's house, they didn't speak. A few minutes after sitting down on the sidewalk, Maine slowly bowed and shook her head. She sobbed softly. Rj put his arm around her pulled her to him. He kissed her on the head.

".....fail...." Maine said.

"....hindi....hindi fail...." Rj assured her.

".....I wasn't able to do what I was supposed to....I froze...." she cried.

"....okay.....but you looked up....I saw you....you were looking at the barista...."

"....hindi rin....nakatingin ako sa coffee machine sa likod nya...."

"....still....hindi ka na nakatungo...."

".....bakit ganun?"

"....ang alin?"

"....bakit okay ako na kausapin kayo?....pero pag nasa labas na.....i freeze...."

"....because you allowed us to enter your circle....diba sabi ko sa yo before, para kang may wall na itinayo....protection mo yun from whatever makes you anxious.....a part of the wall will break as you allow some of us to enter and join you on your side....but, there is still a wall....lahat tayo, meron tayo nung wall na yun, yung iba nga lang, mas mababa kaya madaling makita yung nasa kabila....."

"...mataas ba yung wall ko?"

"....nasa sa yo na yon kung gaano mo itataas yung pagtayo ng wall mo.....the people who understand you and love you....kami....we patiently waited for you to break a part of that wall.....and you also waited to find your strength to break a part of your wall....if it will take years again for you to break the rest of the wall for the others, then they will just have to wait...."

Maine quietly sobbed while leaning on Rj's shoulder. She thought, "....it took me 10 years to break my wall and sign with Rj.....then about another year to actually speak to him....."

"Love...."

"Yes?"

"....can we try again?"

"Of course....we will continue to try until you gain back that confidence and fight off the anxiety monster..."

"....monster talaga?" Maine looked at him.

"....ano ba sya? Diba nakakatakot sya, parang monster?'

"....true...." Maine shrugged her shoulders.

In the following weeks, Maine returned to be being silent outside her "circle." She was, however, very talkative inside her home or Rj's house. Outside was a different world altogether.

"....bakit ganun si Ate Maine?" Angel asked when she and Rj walked home from the park one afternoon.

"...huh?"

"....kasi, tinuturuan nya ako mag-sign language....pero, di sya malakas magsalita....di ko marinig.....tapos, parang nainis pa sya sa akin kasi di ko magawa yung sentence na sabi nya....."

"....nainis?"

"Opo....bigla syang nag-hmp tapos squeeze nya yung hands ko......"

"Anong ginawa mo?"

"tiningnan ko lang sya....nag-sorry sya....ganito o....." Angel showed the sign for "sorry".

"....Gel.....kasi ganito yun....diba hindi nagsalita si Ate Maine sa tao sa labas ng family nya ng mahabang panahon....tapos, after a year na nagkakilala kami, dun pa lang sya nagsalita sa akin....sa atin...."

"....opo...."

"....sa condition ni Ate Maine, hirap talaga siyang labanan ang takot nya sa ibang tao....diba, ikaw nga, minsan, pag bagong tao ang kaharap mo, di ka rin nagsasalita agad..."

"...shy ako e..."

"....parang ganun si Ate Maine....shy sya....that's why we have to be more patient....she'll eventually overcome her shyness like what happened when she started talking to us...." Rj explained to his 8-year old sister.

"Hmm...." Angel nodded.

"Love....is Angel okay?" Maine asked later that evening when she and Rj had their routine facetime goodnight chat.

"Huh?"

"Angel...is she okay?....nainis kasi ako kanina....i think I squeezed her hands a little too hard...."

"Ahh...she's fine....she says she's sorry for not doing the signs properly...."

".....kawawa naman....please tell her I'm sorry...."

"....no worries, Love....I talked to her also...."

"Okay...."

"....she's also trying to figure out why you're quiet outside....because you're the total opposite when you're with us....but don't worry...I know she understands....she's looking forward to your next sessions nga daw...."

"Aww....I'll try to remember that she's just learning to sign..... thanks, Love..."

"For what?"

"....for explaining to Angel....you're the best Kuya...I love you!"

"I love you more...."