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CHAPTER TWO. ━━━━━━━━━ The weight of the world is heavy in your trembling arms, but the heaviest burden to bear is not the sins of your life, it's the devil inside you.
ALLEN GINSBERG, HOWL AND OTHER POEMS ━━━━━━━━━
RESISTANCE BASE, D'QAR. 36 ABY.
THE LIGHTS ARE FLASHING PAST her eyes as she speeds towards her ship. She feels the icy wind rush through her hair and thinks that she might actually be able to escape but then she is sent to the ground with a brutal force.
The explosion shatters in her eardrums, deafening her for a moment. The flames are burning at her skin as the darkness engulfs around her.
She tries to stay awake as she feels the snowy ground shake underneath her. If darkness has a taste and a feeling, then this is it. It is coppery and metallic, like blood filling her mouth, thick and heavy.
Drifting snowflakes brush her face as light as lover's kisses and she can feel the snow on her lashes, taste it on her lips. Dark blood pools around her, slowly sinking into the snow, and it takes some time until she realises that it is her own.
Kaden awakes from her dream with a shudder and a scream lodged in her throat. Her chest is heaving, and her back is drenched with sweat. Her fingers are clutching her sheets and she wishes for someone to come into her room and calm her, so that her blood curdling screams can stop, but no one does.
Sometimes she doesn't remember if there has been a time when she existed without the nightmares. They are dark and biting and latch onto her body and rip her apart.
She inhales and the air tastes bitter with dread, heavy with a sense of knowing. It burns to breathe and she can feel her eyes filling to the brim with tears. She exales and remembers that it was not a nightmare but her past. Kaden tries not to think about it, but she is made of memories. She will never forget as long as she lives and that's why she doesn't really want to live anymore.
She wants to die because there's no point in living, she supposes.
IT ISN'T UNTIL DARKNESS HAS settled across the planet, and the evening has gone cold and quiet, that Kaden finally sets foot out of her quarters.
About a year ago, there had been no one in the Resistance base that was as high-spirited as her. She had been the life of every party, the one that laughed and laughed and laughed, not caring about stares and snickers. But time has changed that. Now, the thought of leaving her room before everyone else has gone to bed makes her feel sick to the stomach.
