It was Love » benj pangilinan

19: i love you, goodbye

just a short chapter, dito ko papakita yung letter ni sophia :)

benjamin ryan
8:00 a.m.

i woke up.

i did my morning routine and quickly went downstairs, "good morning!" i greeted them and sat beside solana. they were quiet, execpt solana. something's wrong here. "walang good sa morning." kuya donny told me and played with his food. same goes to ate ella and ate hannah, wala silang gana kumain. what's wrong with them?

i ate my breakfast, still bothered with my siblings. same goes to mom and dad, they're so quiet i don't know why. i was about to go back up to my room when kuya held my arm, "you haven't read it yet, don't you?" he asked. ha? "what? what is it?" i asked him, he shook his head and told me to go back to my room.

i went upstairs and laid on my bed, i was abot to get my phone when i saw a letter beside it. i looked at it, the handwriting was like sophia's. i opened and read it,

dear benjamin,

                 hi love! when you're reading this i guess i already left the philippines. i'm sorry i didn't told you. i just don't want you to be worried. alam ko kasi pag sinabi ko agad to sayo, hindi ako makakaalis. i need to leave because i have an atrial septal defect, kailangan agad magamot or else i'll die. at first, i don't want to leave because i'll leave you and hindi ko kayang iwan ka. but i realized, kung hindi ako aalis, there's a possibility that i'll die. mas mahirap naman yun, diba? i'll leave you forever pag ganon. and i don't want to die yet. thank you for being the best best best besssst beoyfriend ever!! yii kilig na to hahahaha, thank you for being so caring, so sweet, so thoughtful, so strict (isali na naten to haha), so kind and so clingy to me. i know na pag clingy ka sakin, kunyari pa akong naiirita sayo, pero hoy deep inside im so kinikilig na ayaw mo pa tumigil! haha. thank you din for evrything you've done to me. for listening to my rants while we're watching the first episode of the flash season 4, sa pagsakay sa mga trip ko, for bringing me to darren espanto's events, pati nung concert nya, for taking me to our favourite ice cream parlor when i feel sad, for those corny joke you've got for me, for comforting me whenever i'm sad. madami pa yan, basta alam mo yun. thank for everything.

i'm sorry for leaving you without saying a proper goodbye. nakakagago, alam ko. you're hurt right now while reading this, i know. i'm sorry also for being such a bitch sayo minsan, and ngayon palang, magsosorry na ko kasi our communication will lose starting today. mahirap pero kakayanin naman diba?

always remember that i love you so damn much, alright? :) you know that. wag kang hahanap ng ibang babae, for now!! babalik pa naman ako e hahaha, pag nalaman kong may ANGELINA ka na. baka mapasugod ako dyan ng wala sa oras hahaha. don't stress yourself too much, okay? tsaka take care of solana!! maglalaro pa kami kung makakabalik ako! :) when you feel sad, just look at the note behind our picture at your sidetable :)) ayokong may aabot na balita sakin na hindi na ikaw yung dating benjamin. baka magkalimutan tayo hahahaha joke. i hope my operation will be successful so after two months or so, i'll go home na. i love you more than i love darren espanto and unicorns and rainbows, love. goodbye for now. see you soon.

x, sophia ❤️

i felt my world was falling apart while i read her letter, tears coming out from my eyes were uncontrollable. i feel like my heart stopped, i feel so broken. i feel like i'm lost. i feel like i'm dead.

i laid on my bed all day, not going out of my room. i stayed here, crying while holding her letter and the picture from my sidetable.

"benj?" my door opened, revealing ate ella. i just stared at her coldly. "go away." i said and faced the other side of my bed, i felt her sitting on the edge of my bed. she spoke, "you know, she'll get mad if she knew you're just staying here all day." she told me, tears began to fall on my face again. i faced her and she hugged me. "be strong, benjamin. have faith, she will be back." she told me while rubbing my back.

i hope so, ate.

; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ;

halu, and i'm back with triple ud!! yaay! the next chapter will be the epilogue na :)

x, sophia (sophixiv on twit and sophiaxolan_ on ig)