Wounded Hearts Will Conquer

Chapter 1 - To Infinity & Beyond

Chapter 1
Bailey
To Infinity & Beyond

She reminded me of a porcelain doll. The way her pale skin shined in the bright hospital lights. Her arms and legs, mere reminders of stick like figures. The bright blonde hair that everyone was jealous of was now gone, replaced by a grayish blonde wig that my mother insisted she buy her favorite daughter after the massive amounts of hair had begun to fall.

”Water, Bails,” she coughed. Her bright blue eyes crept up from beneath her thick eyelashes and heavy lids, and they looked over in my direction. I hurriedly got up from that dreaded itchy chair in the room’s corner and grabbed the tan pitcher from her bedside table. I poured her a cup and anxiously watched as her frail; toothpick like fingers lifted the plastic cup to her cracked lips. My eyes widened as her mouth turned up in a small smirk.

”Didn’t we talk about the pity looks?” she joked, her voice small. She was losing energy quicker and quicker during that time. It’s like one small movement of the hand, or stretch of the leg and she needed to rest again. I knew what this was doing to her. My question was though, did she?

”I’m not pitying you,” I sighed. My eyes dropped from hers and I moved a small piece of bright red hair from my view, making sure I didn’t let her see my eyes. I could feel the water starting to gather at my lids and I didn’t want her to see that I was giving up.

”Hey,” she said, sliding her hand over mine on the bedside. “You’re supposed to be staying strong for me Bails. I need you through all of this remember?”

I sniffed. “I know, Lane. I know. I just…”

”Stop it,” she smiled. “I don’t want this to turn into a sob fest over how much you’re going to miss me, or how I look like pure crap right now. I want to remember us as happy sisters.”

I shook my head, the tears acting like glue, sticking my hair to my cheeks. I pushed them away and quickly wiped at the moisture. “You don’t look like crap. You know you’re gorgeous, Lanie. You always have been, even when you’re lying in a hospital bed.”

”I know. Doesn’t this lighting totally bring out my eye color?” she giggled. I laughed along with her for a moment, cherishing it. I knew these were one of the last moments I was going to have with her. She was right. I didn’t need to be bringing her down like this. I needed to stay strong for my older sister, and show her that either way; she was going to be alright, no matter where she ended up.

”How can you be so happy when all of this,” I gestured with my hands around the room and over her, “is going on?”

She shook her head lightly. I noticed the small bruises forming beneath her eyes, and noted that they were getting darker since the last time I’d been here a mere two days ago.

Lanie stroked my hand gently, comforting me without me asking to. “Because I know what’s going on. I’m accepting my fate now, Bails. I can’t control what cards fate hands me, I just need to keep playing along until I can’t anymore,” she trailed off.

I knew Lanie was trying to stay strong, and I was trying to stay strong for her, but this was all too much. Who’s the asshole playing fate that decided to take my older and only sister away from me? She’s my confidant, my go-to, my mood changer. I needed this girl in my life, and fate just up and decides to grant her with brain cancer. She never deserved to have this disease. Lanie’s never done one wrong thing to someone in her life. She’d jump in front of a bus for a complete stranger if she could. So why did “fate” think she deserved to die?

”Stop doing that,” she sighed, playfully.

My eyes shot up to look at her face. “Doing what?”

”Over-thinking everything. You always make that face when you over-think. Your nose gets a little scrunched up and your eyes are wide open. You’re not that hard to read you know,” she smiled.

”I’m not-“

”Bails, shut up, yes you are!” she giggled, tapping my hand lightly.

The doctors had told us a few days ago that Lanie only had a few days left. To say that we didn’t take the news lightly was an understatement. Mom, I remembered, immediately threw herself against Dad, her tears staining his light colored button up shirt. Dad clutched her against his chest, keeping his head crooked in her neck. I curled up in my designated chair in the corner of the room and let the silent tears fall as I held my hand against my mouth, trying to stop the sobs from escaping my throat.

They told us that she would be able to fight this, that the odds were in her favor. Or, as Lanie put it, she was winning the game with her hand of cards life had dealt her.

I looked over at her during that moment and she was…calm. Her body was lying straight, her eyes watching the doctor’s every hand motion against his clipboard as he dragged the pen slowly through her chart, reading off her symptoms and how long they believed she had. She calmly nodded her head when he said she had a few days, and gave the doctor a small smile as he claimed how sorry he was for everything and bid his goodbyes.

I was shocked, to say the least.

You’re being told you’re going to die in a few days time. Your newlywed husband is sitting at your bedside, clutching your hand for dear life, silent tears careening down his cheeks. Your parents are clutching onto each other like they can’t bear to let go. And your younger sister is in a chair, praying to whatever god she can think of that you can fight this, and you’re…smiling?

It made no sense to me.

But that was Lanie. She never made any sense. Lanie had her own opinions and ways of doing things that she thought were appropriate. It wasn’t odd for a girl like Lanie to smile in the face of death, in the face of every loving family member who cried in front of her.

She was the strongest girl I knew.

”Knock, knock,” I heard Brayden’s voice from the doorway across the room. “I’m not interrupting am I?” he asked, sheepishly.

”No, you’re okay Bray. I’ll just leave you guys to it then,” I sighed. As I went to get up, Lanie pulled me slightly and told me to come closer.

”Bailey, anytime you need me, just look inside the box,” she smiled. Her bright blue eyes had a sparkle to them for the first time in months. She looked just…happy.

I smiled back at her, trying to keep the tears locked under my lids. I needed to be strong before I said goodbye. “I will.”

She intertwined our fingers together, holding on as tightly as she could. “I love you Bails, never forget that. I’ll always be there if you need me, even if I’m not…” her voice was choked up, and I looked up into her eyes to see one stray tear fall.

She cursed quietly and wiped away the stray tear with her free hand. “See, you’re making me cry! I didn’t want to cry!” she laughed slightly. “Just…remember that, okay?”

Why did our goodbye seem so final today? This wasn’t like our usual goodbyes when I left the hospital for the night. Did she know what was going to happen? What wasn’t she telling me?

”Lanie don’t make it seem so-“

”Sh! Just remember that for me. I love you, alright?”

My eyes welled up again and I nodded my head silently, hoping that this wasn’t her last goodbye to me. Hoping I would be able to come see her tomorrow and everything would be alright, and she would smile up at me like she did every day I came to see her.

”I love you too, Lanie,” I cried, squeezing her hand before she wrapped both of her frail arms around my body and pulled me in for a tight hug. I clutched onto her tiny frame, hoping it would work its magic and keep her here with me.

Then she laughed. She laughed.

”Bray, I’m sorry. It’s like we completely forgot you existed,” she giggled.

I picked myself up and looked over at Brayden, standing a little uncomfortably in the doorway, smirking.

”It’s okay, beautiful. I know you guys need that sisterly bonding time,” he waved his hand carelessly.

”I’m going to let you guys have your time. Love you, Lanie,” I whispered.

”To infinity and beyond, right?” she smiled, bringing up our childhood joke.

”To infinity and beyond,” I smiled, kissing her on the cheek and shuffling out of the doorway. I took one last glance back before heading completely out of the room and smiled as Brayden kissed Lanie full on the lips and she smiled brightly, looking as if she had finally won with her deal of cards.

And that was the last I saw of my beautiful, smiling sister. That blonde vision of vicarious optimism and glowing personality. And I’ll always remember her as she told everyone she wanted to be remembered as. Being happy.

After that day, I told myself I was going to strive to be what everyone envied of my sister. I was going to be strong and I was going to smile when everything seemed to go wrong. I would be optimistic and hope for the best in any situation I was placed in. I was going to be happy.

Or at least that’s what I thought. But life doesn’t always go the way you want it to, does it?