Life After Death

Lancelot: trying to forgive

{Lancelot}

It took my brother two days to work up enough courage to talk to me, though I'll admit, it was a similar weakness on my part that kept me from seeking him out. I was angry, but we hadn't seen each other in seven years. Surely, we could put this behind us.

When he knocked on my door, I wasn't sure I was ready to be behind it at all.

"Hello."

"Come in."

He followed me into my new study. We had remodeled it from a bedroom; I had thought it was silly to have a bedroom so close to the front door. We sat simultaneously, I behind the desk and he in front of it. We sat for a long time, staring at each other's face. It was so similar to my own, but I could pick out the differences, especially now since I had only seen my own face for seven years. He had a different eye color, a different jawline. Our scars were different.

"Did you come here to talk or to stare at me?"

"What you do want me to say?"

I sighed heavily.

"You could apologize?"

"What for? For trying to live a separate life? We didn't even have our own names until we were twenty! Who would want that?"

"You could have told me."

"I thought you felt the same."

And, I supposed this was the original problem. Even though we had spent every waking moment together up until that night, we didn't know each other as well as we thought. We had been tamping down our own personalities to create a unified 'twin,' just like everyone thought we were.

I hated it.

"You left without so much as a note or a goodbye. You left me to fend against Juliet and Dad's questions; left me as a half person. That's all anyone thought of me as. One of the twins."

"It bothered you too, admit it."

"Wholeheartedly. But you were an ass for vanishing on everyone. They were worried. I was worried."

"I'm sorry for being an ass. There, are you happy?"

He folded his arms and I had to resist slumping in my chair. I realized that I didn't want him in my house. I didn't want my twin to meet my family or talk to my kids. I wasn't sure why I felt so strongly, but I think it was because I didn't want my wife or children to think I was him, or that he was me. We were very separate faeries, and I wanted to keep it that way. The time of being 'the twins' was over by seven years.

So I stood and he followed suit.

"Fine. Whatever. It was ridiculous on both our parts to think we could just pick up our friendship."

"Oh, so are we enemies?"

"No, just not friends. We have nothing in common but our face. Let's keep it that way."

I opened the door to the entry hall and then opened the front door.

"Thank you for stopping by."

"No problem, brother."

He seemed miffed that I was gently throwing him out, but I didn't care. My kids would be running around the corner any moment to see who had come over. I shut the door behind him and sighed.

"Who was that?" my wife asked, looking concerned.

"No one important."